Wednesday, 5 September 2007

Lightwater Shithole

Before I get any bad comments. I know Lightwater Valley isn't a Shithole, its just a funny name.
I will be talking about some of the rides in this entry.

The Eagles Claw
What it's about: Basically, the lovely scientists down at LWV (Lightwater valley for short) decided to make a ride that pisses people off. It goes like this: You get it, sit down, then you get swung around in the air that much that you don't have a flying fuck what the Mary has just happened.
Pros: Good for scaring your best friend or making someone be sick.
Cons: Chance of being sick or scared.

The Ultimate
What it's about: A fighting game in the form of a Rollacoaster. As well as playing the Mortal Combat Theme Tune in the waiting area, The Ultimate knocks seven bells out of you on the way though. If it isn't the bumps or the sudden turns that hurt you, its the cock handled Safety devices and seats.
Pros: First half is fun and the last half is fast.
Cons: First half is slow and the last half can kill you.

The Decapitator
What it's about: While riding across a track thinner than Posh Spice, you go up and down and spin around in your cart.
Pros: The Fact people have died in it is very cool.
Cons: The Fact that you can die isn't very cool.
Notes: It isn't really called the Decapitator, but I think we all know why it is.

The Rat Ride (or Rat Race)
What it's about: Apart from having two names, the Rat Ride is an underground (well in a dark building anyway) ride, Identical to it's above ground sister; the Grizzly Bear, is a basic but fun ride in the dark. After entering through tunnels that resemble a Latvian Villa, you then get to get in you rat and ride around in the dark. For all you know, a 46 year old man, could be raping a 3 year old boy and you wouldn't even tell.
Pros: Fun ride and in the dark.
Cons: Chance of Minimum wage LWV Worker leaving some lights on somewhere.

The Wave (Aka, the Pirate Ship (even though its a Viking ship))
What it's about: A long sea trip, boat simulator to make you throw up after the 3rd ride.
Pros: You get to go high in the air.
Cons: Very very very very Anti Climactic.

The Falls of Terror
What it's about: A Pleasant Boat Ride.
Pros: You get Wet and Tube 3 is fun.
Cons: You get Wet and Tube 1 and 2 are shit.

The Caterpillar ride
What it's about: Go really really really fast in an awesome cart while shooting zombies.
Pros: Go Really Really fast in an awesome cart while shooting zombies.
Cons: I just Lied.

Go Carts
What it's about: Drive around a small track 5 times *gasp*
Pros: You get to live those dreams of driving fast cars.
Cons: No matter how much you impress those LWV staff, they still hate your guts and you won't become a Formula 1 race car driver.

There are more rides but I can't be bothered commenting.

Well I had a nice day of LWV, Hope you had a good one too (unless you didn't go).

1 comment:

asda said...

hahaha this is hilarious