Thursday, 31 January 2008

Monthly Roundup

January: it's the first month of the year. So it's nice if we can have a good start - a "happy" new year. Of course, going to Temple Moor means it's unlikely to be fantastic, but here's some of the news we've missed:
  • Several "fights" broke out, some ending with Templars landing on the floor and even bigger crowds gathering.
  • Here's a story from a girl who emailed us:
    Last week, i was informed by my maths teacher that him and another teacher got locked in school. he was in the library at the top with this other teacher. The death, dopey janiter came in and spoke to the teacher, who said he wont be long.. so the janitor turned the lights off at the bottom of the library, when the janitor eventually finishes cleaning and what not, he forgets about the two teachers! These teachers are going round the school trying to find a way out,, the sensor cameras picked up there movement, eventually the janitor heard them and let them out.

  • The results of our latest poll are in: most people think our current Principal should be arrested for involvement with the gas attack. However, seven out of fifty-two voters think Mr Fleetwood should be praised for his work.
  • We have a decent reason for a new building. One maths classroom's door handles fell off this week, meaning if it was closed, you couldn't get out. After a temporary solution - putting the bin in the doorway - the teacher seems to have done an excellent job of repairing the handle.
  • The school is preparing to get, if they haven't already, PlayStation Portables. Not for the staff to play with, but to help students learn in a "fun" way. The PSPs will probably work with the school's previously mentioned wi-fi network.
  • Even the PE department seem to be neglecting their "keep off the grass" signs...or is this more hypocrisy?
  • There seems to be a sudden surge in after-school lessons - meaning some pupils have multiple lessons to go to simultaneously. Lacking Harry Potter time-travel skills, what are those unfortunate people supposed to do? Also, note how attendance to these sessions is governed by everybody's favourite grading system, RAG analysis.
Finally a note for one Templar: David, you asked a Templar Truths writer to write of your ordeal when your teacher wouldn't let you take off your jumper. Stop being so stupid and get over it!

Friday, 25 January 2008

Planning for the worst

Despite celebrating the start of the 7 day holiday Winter-een-mas, we Templars have still been digging up dirt on the school.

Apparently our dear headteacher is planning for the worse. A buddy contact system has been recently set up to help spread a message to staff quickly in case of unexpected closure of the school. Each teacher is assigned two other teachers. The first teacher he/she is assigned will be the one who gives them the message, the second is who they then contact. In sense, a very large game of Chinese whispers.

But why would a system like this need to be set up? Even in time of mass floods about the country the school has remained open. And when we were gassed the staff were already at school. So whats the point? Unless for once the school have finally kept something a secret from us. Perhaps our headteacher expects bad weather is coming. Or Chlorine leak v2.0.
Who knows, but the school must be closing for some reason in the days to come or else this system would be a waste setting up.

E-mail us with any ideas as to what the school have in store for us. Maybe we'll slip in a speculation or two in future posts.

One hundred!

Though we've appealed for emails, you've sent none. As such, we've very little to put in our congratulatory hundredth post. So we'll take a dip into our inbox archives, to deliver never-before-read content. We'll also be including some other rubbish. Stick around, though - it's more fun than Temple Moor, guaranteed.

Here's some fan-mail we've had:
Gentlemen, or Madams, I have just been directed to your blog. I take my hat off to you fine people! Being an ex-student of what I fondly call The Shit-house, I found myself clutching at my sides in laughter at your posts. Funny, yet compleatly true. I'm so glad I got out to collage, as it would seem the school has become well and truly, defunkt. Congratulations again, and keep up the good work.

Oh yeah, I dont normaly talk like that. I just figured you deserve some respect, you've done something totally awsome and narly. Rock on!

Even anon61 - who started sending hate mail - has seen some sense:
Just like to congratulate you on the more recent articles, quite witty and gave me a laugh

However, we're sure some school staff - those who are pro-censorship - still hate us. But do we care? Not really, we're going to carry on. Here's some news we received on January 18:
I'm surprised at you kiddos
None of you have reported on the fight in a history class this week.
Between 2 girls and it required 5 teachers to break it up
And, as far as I know, no punishment (apart from a meeting with their parents avec Fleetwood) was given

We hadn't heard about the fight, if we're honest. But no punishment? Sounds very...typical. Which is a shame, isn't it?

What's going to happen in the future of Templar Truths? You might be aware that some teachers know about the blog and read it. Some people have managed to block the website on school computers - though that hasn't stopped us. In fact, the effect is opposite. Why aren't we giving up? Because people should have the option to read propaganda, distributed by the establishment, and read a more truthful view of what's going on - by those living through the daily strife.

Keep tuned through the weeks, months and terms ahead. Why? For "quality" journalism, news available faster than any other source (and only slightly biased), honest reporting, a varying amount of authors (a new one coming soon) and much satire at the expense of Temple Moor.

Here's to the next hundred! May school be as mad as this:

Thursday, 24 January 2008

Assistant Principal

This might sound abit big headed, but when it comes to digging up dirt about the school, we're good, very good.

I thought it would be a good idea to see if anyone else is blogging about the school. Of course we're still out on top. However this website came into our view from a website called "Eteach".
The website in question is a job finder for education related jobs. One specific job stood out above the rest.

Assistant Principal
Employer: Temple Moor High School
Of course we had to find out more. Apparently the school wants a new Assistant Principal for April or September 2008. The school brags that it produces results of 57% 5+ A*-C at GCSE which is actually pretty good but from of course we're not here to congratulate the school for anything good, are we?
Now lets see what they demand in an Assistant Principal.
We are looking for someone who:
• is hardworking, innovative, flexible and a talented leader;
Yeh? Maybe they'll be good enough to finally stop that meddling blog.
• has vision and determination and seeks to make impact at a whole school level;
Make an impact. Haven't we already done that?
• will be responsible for leading intervention or curriculum;
I can't think of a quirk. That's how fail that request is.
• is able to think strategically and creatively with an excellent understanding of current developments in education.
Who understands the developments of the school more than we do?
Of course, the employee needs information back in return, lets see what the school have to offer.
We offer:
• the benefits of Science specialist status and substantial capital investment throughout the school, being in phase one of the Government’s ‘Building Schools For The Future’ programme;
Phase one is to test the work efficiency of Polish people.
• excellent professional development;
Yes, at Temple Moor, you'll know how to break up a non existent fight in your first week.
• excellent relationships at all levels;
Because we're all the best of friends at Temple Moor.
• an opportunity to join a successful and forward looking team.
Being forward looking is how we successfully write this blog behind your back.
Well we Templars look congratulate the meat the school picks for this role. Maybe he/she will be a bigger fan of the blog than the staff we currently have.
If you'd like to apply for the job, you can find the Job details here.
On a side note; seeing as the next post is going to be our 100th, we'd like to do something special. So I'm going to briefly mention the magnitude of non existent fights popping up several times a day this week. So far we've has one broken skull. We find it all hilarious.

The following message is censored.

As are all of our other posts, should you happen to search for Templar Truths on school computers. Another pupil brought it to our attention today that the school has blocked any instances of the words "Templar Truths" from the internet. If you bash in the blog URL - the browser just closes itself. Should you search "Templar Truths" in google - again, the computers detect the words, and again the browser closes.

Any webpage bearing the words Templar Truths instantly causes the browser to close down. And to be honest, upon hearing this news, we at Templar Truths are positively thrilled. The school, having already e-mailed us prior to this discovery, have now blocked our humble blog, or any potential reference to it. To be honest, this pretty well proves what we knew from the very beginning. The school are scared of us. It's not like pupils ever spend masses of time reading the blog in school anyway, is it? So they aren't blocking it just because it's a distraction. They're blocking it because the school does not want you to know about Templar Truths. So let us counteract this, by spreading knowledge of the blog through word of mouth, advertisement, and MSN... The more people reading this blog, the more anxious the school start to get. As this is our 98th post, I can safely say; Templar Truths 98, Temple Moor 0.

A lot of bloggers here have their own views on this, so let's do something somewaht different, and see what this revelation means to some of our staff.


To be honest, I think this is a major victory for Templar Truths. It's showing how scared the school have become, and it's showing that they are desperate to stop pupils reading our blog. So they have essentially censored us, much like the facist government they seem to have become; meant in the nicest way possible, of course. *cough*

The school know of us, we have definitive proof of that, but now they are acknowledging us as a threat. We do not intend to threaten the integrity of Temple Moor, far from it - but the school do everything within their power to hide all of the daily mishaps going on, and pave over it with the weak looking newsletters distributed every millenia or so. We, therefore, provide simple balance by accentuating the negatives. If the school are scared of us revealing a few home truths to the wider public, they shouldn't be wasting time blocking us, they should be spending their time doing valuable activities like paying attention to our critiques and trying to improve on the situation.

The fact that Temple Moor are doing this is only going to spur the team at Templar Truths to keep going, and every mention of the blog they make is only advertisement to us. It has also been rumoured that certain teachers have mentioned our humble blog before their classes today; should that be true, I shall be highly amused. Fancy trying to block us on school computers, then advertise us so brilliantly during teaching time. Nice. I suggest Temple Moor stop viewing us as a terrorist organisation, and start paying attention to us. We point out the issues; Temple Moor should be fixing them. But as ever, Temple Moor even fail at that...

China censors the Internet. They don't anyone bashing those in charge, making references to things they'd rather forget. In short, criticism is banned from the Internet. There's a difference between Temple Moor and China: one of them is communist (the other is liberal fascist).

Why are Temple Moor doing this? I think the answer to that is quite clear. They're afraid. They don't want everyone to know about the disasters that occur. Their official stories are the ones they want to reach your eyes. They will attempt to make this happen by blocking Templar Truths from the school computers.

Anyone spot a flaw here? I do: people can access the blog at home. The large majority of readers probably don't read the blog at school. So denying the website's existence is pathetic and really isn't going to work. We applaud the techies who implemented this censorship, though. It's clever. If the blog URL or "templar" and "truths" are in part of the URL you're trying to access, Internet Explorer will shut down. Clever stuff, indeed...unless you go home, open up your Internet browser of choice and go to the blog.

From me, Thor, just one last message: we won't give up.


To put it bluntly, I "lol'd IRL" when I tested this. Firstly the idea that we'd even bother viewing the blog in school is obsured seeing as we use aliases and there for want to keep our anonimity. Secondly it is hillarious to think we've actually pissed off the school even after finding out that half the staff read this.

The school couldn't get the Leeds learning network (0r netfail) to black list is, no no no. So they did the next silliest thing they could do which is stop pupils from even searching the blog. So much for net neutrality.

The funniest thing is, the school must think that this move has crippled us despite every thing from writing the blog, advertising and even reading the blog happens at home.

Congratulations Temple Moor on this latest blunder.

Smoking Man
Oh, another brilliant idea from those clever people at Temple Moor. I ROFLMAO'd when i heard this.

So they've blocked any mention of the words "Templar Truths" on school computers? This says two things: First, the school is scared of us. To quote A Few Good Men: "You can't handle the truth!" or at least that's what Temple Moor thinks, and the fact that they go so far to stop the spread of truth just solidifies the fact that Temple Moor don't want people to know what really happens at their school.

And second: They think this will stop us. They are wrong.

This feeble attempt at stopping people finding out about and reading our blog is, like the BSF project, going to fail big style. Don't they know as soon as anything is banned it increases in popularity no end? Obviously not, and seeing as though we (allegedly) have teachers mentioning our blog during class-time, we should see and increase in readers in no time at all.

I would like to end this post with a big thank-you to all our readers who have been spreading the word about us, and i would also like to thank the Temple Moor staff for doing this.

That's all the Templar Truths writing staff (pretty much) and their two cents (combined to make eight whole cents! Wow!) on our blog being blocked by school computers.

Remember, our 100th post is nigh, so email us with anything TMHS-related. We'd be glad to host videos, photos and text. Just email We can't guarantee it'll end up on the site, but it's guaranteed to be looked at. Remember, few emails = little content in Post 100. So, y'know, email.

Wednesday, 23 January 2008

January Newsletter

Is the latest newsletter any better than the previous ones? Don't be silly. As ever, our version accompanies the headline and quotes from the original.

Spring Term
"a successful 2008", "we hope to take ownership of our new Science, Technology and Sports facilities", "photographs, video images, visits and briefings", "my thanks to all of you", "move from red to amber to green"
We should take ownership of all the new building - it's supposed to be complete in December. Good news: you won't just have to rely on us for BSF news. They'll be showing you pictures, videos and other stuff. All we're saying is don't hold your breath. And sneakily, Fleetwood managed to shoehorn in some RAG reference.

Positive Discipline (PD) Update
"the detention list will be on display in the Social Area", "students' responsibility", "fail to attend...carried forward"
This is a disaster waiting to happen. You should never entrust students to check when it's their turn to be punished - it's stupid!

Communication With Temple Moor
"always available", "make an appointment"
In short, don't come barging in and demand to speak with some teacher who's given your child low grades. Make an appointment.

Changes To Student Personal Information
"let us know...of any changes to...address, telephone numbers...", "amended on the school database"
New phone number? Tell us! So hackers into our WEP network can steal up-to-date information.

Lost Property
"we have accrued a large amount", "displayed during break", "much easier to find owners...if...all their belongings [were] marked clearly"
Stuff + name label = less loss. It's not a difficult concept, and I'm surprised at few people label stuff.

Year 11 RAG Levels
"New RAG", "current grades and target grades"
RAG isn't new. You've pinched the idea off traffic lights, which have been around since 1868 (says Wikipedia). And you've neglected to mention how fundamentally flawed RAG analysis is, its shortcomings and its idiocy. Don't worry, you can expect a fairly long essay on the error of RAG soon.

February Half Term Coursework Ace Days
"chance for students to complete...coursework"
Look, if you have to come into school during half term, you are not a coursework "ace". So stop the pathetic euphemisms, OK?

Year 11 Prom
"This will take place on 2nd May"
Quick, hire your tux/buy your dress and get a limo.

Easter School
"an excellent opportunity", "teacher-led revision"
It's the Easter holidays. 'Nuf said.

Reminder To All Year 11 Students
"coursework approaching", "can all parents...encourage their son/daughter"
That's right, because if your child didn't hate you sending them to a school where you're attacked by chlorine, then make sure they will despise you for making sure they do all their coursework.

"important for all students" "falling below...[95%]...due to illness or holidays", "17 days absence...can equate to a drop in a GCSE grade"
The school's attendance is bad, so please come in every day. If not, you'll drop grades. Oh, and stop being ill - because it's obviously your fault.

Attendance Target Week
"all 100% attendance during this week will be rewarded", "Deal or No Deal draw to be held"
The draw will be nothing like Deal Or No Deal, I can pretty much guarantee that. We can't afford Noel Edmonds, and they're not going to pick one child to play Deal Or No Deal. We'll give a full report on this when it happens.

Year 10 Guidance
"a workshop run by the Refugee Council", "plight of refugees"
Year 10 are learning about refugees. Aren't they lucky?

National Science & Engineering Week
"light - you can't feel it, taste it, hear it or touch it - but you can see it", "Dr Marty Jopson (the mad professor)"
Actually, you can't see light. You can see what it reflects off. If we could see light, it would a fog constantly in front of your eyes. As for this Marty Jopson, he sounds mad, but does he have a Flux Capacitor? I doubt it.

Little Shop Of Horrors
"next production is almost upon us", "working hard since October", "based on an old...B-movie", "man eating plant from outer space", "funniest, most original and entertaining musical productions of recent years", "£7.00 for adults and £5.00 for children"
We wish all the students involved the best of luck. But, saying that, it's always funny when someone forgets their lines, the set falls over and the baby in the audience cries. So it's worth going for a laugh. Bit on the expensive side, however...

National Year Of Reading
"2008 has been the National Year of Reading", "plenty of new books", "celebrate words in every form!"
Another government attempt to get every child to read. Will this fail like the others? TT bets yes.

Go Forth Garforth!
"ten members of Year 10 and Year 9 are now published poets", "poetry on the theme of "identity" ", "published in the Go Forth Garforth anthology"
What a terrible pun. Well done to the lucky winners, however.

Reading Matters
"Year 12 students are taking part in a reading mentor scheme", "how to bring reading alive", "matched with a younger student who they work with on a weekly basis", "feedback has been positive"
Fine. OK. We get it. We need to read. What else are they going to do? Free sex whenever you take a book out of the library? (Note to teachers who read the blog: this one might actually work)

Poetry Live
"the annual Poetry Live event", "listen to readings from many of the poets they study"
This is quite good: talk to the poets about what it actually means. A rare insight. Might push up your grade by a couple of marks.

Pink Pig Week
"PD shop will be open", "redeem the Pink Pigs"
Essentially, every fifty credits gets you a large stamp, which happens to be a pig. It looks more red than pink, but the real question is: what the sodding hell do pigs have to do with the PD shop? Whose plan was pigs? Perhaps it's a throwback to some medieval currency: twelve pigs buys you a cow.

Formula 1 Club Expands Into Radio Controlled Cars
"F1 club is expanding", "design and make radio controlled cars", "national finals at Silverstone race circuit", "we need to find sponsorship"
This is a just a plea for sponsors. But, as pleas go, it's a fairly good one. Help the children! We're not sponsoring them, by the way.

Another newsletter out of the way.

Don't you wanna know how we keep starting fires?

It's my Desire! It's my-

Never mind. The real answer is that we don't have a clue. All we know is that on Tuesday Night, during post-school hours revision classes, a rather too familiar noise rang out throughout the mostly abandoned school. Indeed, the fire alarm, after no less than two previous false alarms in as many weeks, has again stunned Temple Moor. There would, undoubtedly, be an outcry, had this have happened during school hours once again. Fortunately for the school, only a handful of classes were running at the time. But for a high school, not least with one with (supposed) "Science College" status, to have alarms that ring out almost weekly without any real cause, I think there is a problem. Please, fix this. The next time the fire alarm goes, I'll stay in my seat. Remember the boy who cried wolf? Temple Moor have taken that to the extreme.

In another note, we have some rather amusing teacher admissions, relating to the shambles that is "BSF". One particular Maths teacher this morning had a conversation with a pupil about how to improve the school, with all ideas being jotted down on a sheet to send to Upper School, who then quite likely tore it up, burnt it, and danced around religiously. It went a little something along the lines of;

Student: "We need more water fountains."
Teacher: "You mean ones you drink from, not a real ornamental fountain?"
Student: "Well they aren't going to put a huge fountain in the middle of the school, are they?"
Teacher: "They probably would, actually..."

Even the teachers are open about their lack of faith in the Building Schools for the Future project, and Templar Truths are the first to bring it to you. Need more evidence? Later in the day, a certain member of the P.E. department, whilst patrolling the grounds, commented on how far the builders have fallen behind with the work, conceding to a group of bemused school children that the work is now 6 weeks behind (At least), and it's costing us along the lines of £10,000 a day for each day the builders fall behind. That's a lot of money. I, personally, didn't believe that was a correct figure; it seems rediculous. But he repeated, and seemed rather sure in himself when he did. I'll confirm at a later date, but that does seem quite alarming, does it not? Then, just to add fuel to the fire, a student informed him that it was rumoured the builders were over 10 weeks behind - to which the teacher in question responded "Maybe..." Talk about faith, huh? Then (this was a rather elongated conversation) he was asked if the builders were all Polish immigrants - to which he couldn't conclusively deny, or even attempt to deny. So there we have it - even the teachers believe that a) The Builders are useless, b) We're losing bucketloads of money on this project, c) We could be up to 10 weeks, maybe more, behind schedule, and d) The builders are, quite possibly, immigrants. I daren't say Illegal at this point, as I truly hope they aren't. But I haven't discounted that possibility either.

The two points that amused the very most though, were that the Year 11's were asked to fill in this questionnaire on how to improve the school, despite the fact that no ideas (if at all they are considered) will be implemented until after the build, at which point the Year 11's, even those staying on to Sixth Form, will have long left the school. And the other being that the teachers struggled to answer any serious questions about the build at all - they don't even seem to be aware of what's going on. So what exactly are we paying these probably Polish builders to do? You'll be hard-pressed to find out, no-one at the school knows. But they're most certainly vocal enough about their concerns with it.

I'd urge our readers to keep faith with the project, but not even Divine Intervention could stop the downward spiral into disaster now. Just pray that they don't puncture any more Chlorine Tanks.

Tuesday, 22 January 2008

IT will be wireless

We at Templar Truths have heard that the new school building will have a wireless system of computers set up. This is a fundamentally awful idea.

Wi-fi, which stands for "wireless fidelity", allows Internet signals to be thrown around the air. Clever and reduces clutter, right? Well...sort of. The main problems with wi-fi are:
  1. It's unreliable, with lots of wi-fi systems disconnecting every now and then.
  2. Wi-fi dramatically reduces connection speed, and the current connection speed is painfully slow at times, anyway. Imagine being thrust into the early days of dial-up.
  3. Lousy security could mean the school's system is open to hackers
This will make IT lessons that require Internet access truly a hellish task.

But the school's already got a wi-fi system going on, apparently. It's secure though - with WEP security. Both types of WEP, say the people who regulate this sort of stuff, "fail to meet their security goals". Essentially, it's a system that could be hacked. What do you care? Lots - it could contain your private data, and do you really want everything about you to be open to the public?

We probably can't stop wi-fi being implemented, but remember: you've been warned.

Nick makes some good points in his comment. We could respond by saying "but will Temple Moor even bother to do it correctly?", but that's a bit unsophisticated. While we don't know exactly the details of the wireless plan, what we do know is that wi-fi is being planned to be implemented, possibly to aid with the latest plan of using PSPs in classrooms, although the technology block (with its high demand on stuff) will keep wired connections to peripherals. Hopefully mice and keyboards will be wired, otherwise I can imagine hardware being thrown about. I also know WPA is secure, but we've heard that the school is currently using WEP.

Monday, 21 January 2008

Stay Safe! (Don't go to Temple Moor!)

Perhaps a little overdue, but I feel I must go back to a story relating to the fire alarms last week. One student, whom currently attends 6th Form at Temple Moor, has been quite bemused as of late; after receiving a letter home stating how he could easily have been lost during evacuation. He, allegedly, was nowhere to be found during the first fire failure. That's a wise move from Temple Moor, issuing these letters home - after all, safety is paramount. What was slightly less wise, was issuing these letters to a student who was both in the line as he should've been, and was registered along with everyone else. Another failure of the school system, which I have blogged about more times than I should have to.

And, more bemusing still, the school does not have any strict fire procedures - making this even more farcical. "Guests" or parents who are visitting the school, for whatever reason, are not (in all cases I know of) required to sign in - meaning, should a fire break out, nobody would know they were even in the building. That's a lawsuit just begging to brought forward, isn't it? It is law to have anyone visitting an institution, such as a school, to sign in and out, for emergencies just like the two we very nearly had in the past two weeks. So why do Temple Moor not enforce this? I'm sure they'll be pleased to answer that personally.

And, sorry to dwell on the subject, but the little safety procedure the school has (run outside and form queues along unstraight lines which bend unfortunately around poorly placed picnic benches, making a mockery of the whole concept of "lining up") are, to say the very least, abysmal. Near every pupil of the school are crammed together, almost shoulder to shoulder, in queues that do not accomodate the size of a typical class. And, as stated, the picnic benches slap-bang in the middle of this emergency meeting area really are a pain in the arse. Add to that the fact that teachers obviously do a poor job of registering, and you've got yourself quite possibly the worst emergency protocol ever devised. I'd rather sit inside and risk a fire, thankyou.

All students from Year 8 onwards, who were lucky enough to have witnessed the school's disasterous attempts to keep students safe from the Chlorine spill last year, know exactly how poor Temple Moor deal with real emergencies - and they deal just as badly with these drills. How would they manage should a genuine fire emerge? I dare not think about it; it still makes me shudder.

Trampette + ball = new sport

A source in Capella house revealed that in today's house assembly for Capella, one PE teacher spoke of a new sport. It's perfect for those turning up for after-school cricket, despite being nothing like cricket.

From what's been said, it involves some sort of ball, a trampette and some unlucky fools to play it. Oh, and it's Swedish. The teacher even say students wanting to know more should look for it on YouTube.

But he left us with no clues as to its spelling. "Chukeball"? No. "Chookboll"? Are you kidding? We were starting to doubt its existence. Through hefty research, we've found something that's probably what we're after. "Tchoukball". How anyone's supposed to find it with that random spelling is anyone's guess.

Anyhow, we've found some information about it.
an indoor team sport developed in the 1970s by Swiss biologist Dr. Hermann Brandt

Sounds thrill-a-minute. Here's what it's all about:
The sport is played on an indoor court measuring forty metres by twenty metres (130 feet x 65 feet). At each end there is a 'frame' (a device similar to a trampoline off which the ball bounces) which measures one square metre and a semi-circular 'D' measuring three metres (10 feet) out from the frame in all directions. Each team can score on both ends on the field, and comprises twelve players, of which nine may be on the court at any one time. In order to score a point, the ball must be thrown by an attacking player, hit the frame and bounce outside the 'D' without being caught by the defending team. Physical contact is prohibited, and defenders may not attempt to intercept the attacking team's passes. Players may take three steps with the ball, hold the ball for a maximum of three seconds, and teams may not pass the ball more than three times before shooting at the frame.
Condensed version: run around, throw a ball. Happy days! If that made no sense, this certainly won't:

If anyone plays it, do tell us.

Sunday, 20 January 2008

Nice marketing

Go to Temple Moor's Wikipedia page. Some person has decided to add a photo. I can honestly say that person is either phenomenonally stupid or has a brilliant sense of humour. Here's the photo they've added:They got it off the school's official website. It's clearly the best picture to sum up Temple Moor that's even been taken.

Firstly, it's the old building, with no hints of newness. Except that wildly out-of-place sign. That's Temple Moor: slightly outdated. Brilliant.

Then there's a skeleton leaning against the sign symbolises so much, however. Temple Moor is so inadequate, it doesn't notice corpses lying around and decaying...deciding just to leave it there. It encapsulates the true boredom we all experience during those tedious lessons. Lastly, it shows the recent troubles of death that have floated around Temple Moor. So much, in fact, that the choosing of this image could be condemned as offensive. It's blatantly not, though, and we're not the sort to...uh...make stuff up.

Congratulations, then, to Temple Moor's PR department. Who have managed, in one JPEG, to speak more eloquently about Temple Moor than many of our words at Templar Truths.

Side Note: the wittily-named anon61 is still going on at us. If he's still hanging around here, just stop it, please. We don't want to engage in a war that we'll likely win.

Saturday, 19 January 2008

Growing. Fast.

Nothing fancy or of particular importance, just a little note as to how fast our blog is growing. Your, well, only source for any school news whatsoever, has grown in popularity in our 4-5 months of existance. Starting with - quite obviously - no readers, we now have a large base, and are also recieving a fair ammount of email. Much of it positive, including contributions from guest writers, some of it negative (written by people with no sense of grammar, and a penchant for wasting their time writing to complain instead of doing something constructive - i.e. anything other than writing to a blog simply to express their disinterest), and some of it, quite interestingly, from school staff. Which proves that we really are your number #1 source for TMHS related news.

Friday, 18 January 2008

Teaching staff - actually getting worse?

That's a question for you to ponder, and reach your own conclusion. But heres a few points to consider;

1) One particular member of the Languages staff has, for a short while now, been on maternity leave. Congratulations. But that's not what I'm talking about. What I want to talk about is the replacement. Not naming names, this teacher (whom, presumably, is now filling in for all of the departed teacher's classes) is, in this templar's opinion (and that of quite a few others), a terrible attempt at a replacement. I pray it is not full-time. As well as having a rather poor grasp of the English language - which is not a good thing when teaching in England - but her accent, at times, reduces her clarity to the equivalent of an escaped mental patient. Throw in her lack of decent class control and lack of any emotion other than anger, and you don't have an ideal teacher. Rumours, possibly true, but as of yet unconfirmed, are running that she has been seen screaming at Year 7's in corridors and breaking down during class. I make NO claim to the validity of these statements. But if they ARE true, then this teacher may possibly be one of the worse we've seen at Temple Moor.

Revision: I have been informed that the first rumour, of her screaming in the face of a Year 7, is true; as seen by a packed German class, as well as their German teacher. Things are really piling up against this particular "replacement".

2) Speaking of poor replacements, another certain teacher (whose name I, rather fortunately, do not know, nor wish to know) has been doing the rounds to several lessons at the back end of last week. As well as filling in for a Maths session last week, in which he repeatedly had to ask the students if he was correct, tried to indicate a curved line graph using three rigid board pens (looking nothing like a curve, from any perspective), corrected himself at least 10 times, AFTER the students had copied down his board notes, and paid no attention to what the students were doing. As a previous guest writer wrote about him, he was oblivious to both the fire alarm, and that a cohort of pupils were actually conducting a music quiz. He knew nothing, or very little, about Maths; so why exactly was he filling in during a higher set Maths lesson? And, again, he appeared during an ICT lesson that same week, despite having little to no knowledge of ICT either. Again, why? Please, find teachers who understand the subject - we're reaching the end of our GCSE courses.

3) A related note is that the ICT teacher was absent for two lessons last week due to apparently being in some manner of technology conference elsewhere in the country. That's all fine and dandy of course - but leaves two very, very important questions unanswered. Firstly, was this convention really that necessary? More necessary than crucial coursework lessons of a GCSE class? A teacher should be teaching, not discussing computing with a 70-year old computer nerd at the other side of England. And secondly, obviously the school were aware that she would be attending this conference way before hand - that's plenty of time to find a replacement teacher, is it not? How long do they want?

4) Final note now. A certain English teacher, whilst discussing the religious themes in Lord of the Flies (which, presumably, she does every year with her class), she seemed utterly oblivious to just about every religious reference thrown forward. Unless it was about Jesus, everything flew past her head, and she constantly needed people to explain who the figures referenced were. For example, Prometheus. Fair enough, he's not commonly known, but how can you truly discuss religious themes without knowing anything other than Christianity? It's not the only religion out there, and other religions; such as those of the ancient Greeks or Egyptions, actually have great comparisons to be drawn with Lord of the Flies. Please, teacher in question, research some of these points - you can't expect every pupil to be oblivious to the fact that there are religions outside of Christianity. And, interestingly, she didn't know a GREAT deal about that either.

So, readers, are teachers getting worse? Send your views to the email address on the right hand information bar.

Email contributions

We've been getting emails again! Not just complaints, either. One reader - we won't name them - has found a huge flaw in the Sixth Form planners.
Having read your piece on the 'mistakes, blunders and printing errors' which appear in the Key Stage 4 version of the Temple Moor Planner, I was prompted to inform you of a disastrous fault with the Sixth Form version of the sacred text. As you and your readers may or may not know, the Sixth Form at Temple Moor is twinned with the Sixth Form at that other guiding light in the world of education... Brigshaw. As a result, the same planner is used by the Sixth Forms of both schools and many Templars find themselves regularly commuting between the two for their lessons. As you can imagine, this can be quite confusing, arriving at another school with no idea of where to find your next lesson. And so those clever boffins behind the construction of the planner have helpfully provided maps of both schools. 'GENIUS!' I hear you cry, but wait, on closer inspection these maps are nothing but an emalgamation of random lines strewn accross five pages...well OK, maybe a slight exaggeration, but I defy you to find your way around either school using them, whilst the map of Temple Moor seems to overlook the fact that indeed both sexes have a requirement to urinate, by only featuring girls toilets!

So it's not just the Key Stage 4 planners. We've found a new mistake in them as well: check your credits pages, in between 68 and 70. What number's there? 79! If I didn't know better, I'd swear this was a rubbish attempt to stop smutty jokes.

On to the next email, then:
I feel I must write and complain about the shocking standard of grammar and spelling in the latest 'news items' on your site. It seems to me that the 'writer' must be in one of the bottom Year 11 sets.

In fact the writer ( and also other people involved with this website) must have very sad lives to spend so much time writing so much rubbish. I feel sorry for them in fact just one comment to make

get a life!

you sad people!

Indeed. Now, we could sit here and pick fault with your email (there's a few mistakes), but we're not going to bother ourselves. Instead, we'll just say that your email address is Whether it's your real address or not, everyone at Templar Truths invites every reader to send abusive text, images or, better still, viruses, trojans, spyware or other malicious code.
Templar Truths Top Tip: to prevent anon61 sending bad stuff back, go to your options and set him as a "blocked sender" or use some sort of filter.

Thursday, 17 January 2008

iMedia and other miscellania

Well, just two months (give or take a week or two) until the current batch of Year 11s give their final choices for Sixth Form, and what a disappointment it is that the iMedia course, which was offered to students on the 6th form open evening a few months back, is still yet to be confirmed. Some students have already placed the subject as a preliminary option, and now have little time left before the final decision. And whilst ICT staff are "relatively" sure it is likely to be accepted, it is disputable whether the subject will be given the same value as, say, ICT.

It is possible that an 'A' in this subject, assuming it is given the green light, will be valued as a 'B' by employers. Ain't that a kick in the teeth? Should a subject really be offered, if a) Staff can't asure potential pupils that the course will even materialise, especially within two months of the final date for decisions, and b) if it isn't given the right qualification? Whilst I agree that subjects should be tested, I doubt it should be offered up alongside genuine options when there is a big risk of it suddenly being pulled, or decreditted, with no time to make ammends to options.

Now, the other "miscellania", as promised. The school fire alarms over the past two weeks truly were set off by, first, the shower, and secondly, the builders (through whatever means they managed to trigger the system.) I have to say, the fire alarm system is rather too sensitive when a shower of all things can force pupils to stand outside in harsh conditions for however long.

Furthermore, P.E. lessons for the majority of students (it is assumed) were cancelled this week due to waterlogged pitches. That will always be a problem around this time of year, or at any time of year in this country. Something needs to be done. Since we're rebuilding the school, why not have a drainage system beneath the ground to keep the pitch from being soaked. Or why not install an astroturf pitch somewhere, just so students have somewhere to go.

Final note, an apology has been issued over the previous article, which - unsurprisingly, if you happened to have read it - was removed shortly thereafter. The comments were seen as being too offensive and personal, and thus it has been deleted, lost forever in the bowels of the internet, replaced by a promise that no other article of that severeness shall be published on Templar Truths again. So here's an official apology for those to whom it concerned. It shalln't happen again.

That's pretty much it. Unless you want a video of a monkey on a trike? You do?

Well I don't know where to find it. Tough luck.

Wednesday, 16 January 2008

The recession of currency.

Thanks to our sources behind the PD store, we at Templar Truths now know the lay down for the school PD store. Information the school is still yet to publish.

Well to start with, the school are taking a leaf out of the Dark Ages book and the currency for the PD store is going to be pigs. And the exchange between credit to pig is 50:1. Also these pigs are not reusable. So the average student is expected to get about 2 to 3 pigs a school year.

But what will the store be selling? Unfortunately, it is craptastic things this stationary we hoped wouldn't happen. However as it turns out, you can put all your pigs in one basket as the phrase goes in Temple Moor. If you're feeling lucky. You can be just like the other 250 students in your year and use your pigs to enter a raffle were you can win an Apple iPod. The amount of iPods that are going to be raffled is unknown at the moment. However knowing our school, expect a grand total of one. Also I bet we'll see some sort of additional fee when entering the raffle. £5, £10 maybe?

The store will be open on the last week of school after school. Probably because the school feel it might "disrupt" lesson times if it was at break or lunch. Regardless, with it's poor start to the school year so far, expect this, like all other Temple Moor projects, to go tits up.

In other news, it was Year 11 parents evening earlier tonight. Expect more on that tomorrow after we get a wide spread (and frankly one sided) opinion.

Tuesday, 15 January 2008

There's a ringing in my ears...

...and it's the fire bell.

Last week, the bell rang and everyone grumpily went outside. Safe to say, no one was particularly amused at this. But it was Thursday, it was Period 5, it brought so vague excitement to our dull lessons. Was it drill? Some said yes, some said no. This is Temple Moor, though, so the only person who really knows is God, and we're not even sure He exists. The fire engine turned up, though, so it possibly wasn't a drill. Now we've found out what caused it. Our sources say...steam. Yes, steam from the showers set off our fire alarm. Typical.

But worse, today in Period 1 that infernal bell let loose like some banshee with a cough. We walked outside where it was cold and raining. Talk about pathetic fallacy. But it gets better. Do you want to know why we were stood outside in the soaking rain? BSF, which stands for "Builders' Stupid Failure". They hit a cable, or something, which caused the system to alert us. Bravo, guys.

At this rate, we won't bother going out when there's a fire, or a helium gas leak or whatever disaster is wrought upon us by the builders.

Monday, 14 January 2008

Not for Smiley faces.

Well as a lot of people will know, we now have a new head of PD (nothing positive about it) at Temple Moor. Despite the post a week or so back, I wont name names. However I personally think that giving this specific teacher the role of "head of PD" is like bringing Hitler back to life and arming him for World War three. In the passed this teacher has annoyed pupils with her annoying ability of making a half an hour video last three weeks. Now we could find a time relapse and the cane will be brought back.

Anyway, onto the main point of this post. The school is finally going to do something about their PD shop. Templar truths has heard from a very reliable source that tomorrow, the new head of PD is meeting with some students to start the PD shop. If the students are as mentally inclined as the Templars we hope they are, they will hopefully get us merchandise in the store that does not just consist of vouchers to stores we never go to or stationary.

However one problem I see is, a lot of people (including myself) have reduced (or improved) the PD shop stamps page in an area to draw smiley faces in. But who couldn't resist drawing smiley faces when you have a useless page filled with big inviting circles?

Hopefully we can get information about tomorrows meeting ASAP and expose the sinister truth.

A warning...

A reader decided to stop reading and start writing. Listen to his words of advice:
During a lesson of a so called maths, we managed to have a fully blown music quiz, mildly ignore a fire drill for at least 10 seconds before his vodka laced ears realised we had to evacuate, and did very little work. I write to you to worn you of this man, despite the fact that I am vastly unaware of his name, these factors should be enough to recognise him, and if you spot him, run a mile!

A "fully blown music quiz", indeed! What are these teachers like?

Wednesday, 9 January 2008

Coming Up In The New Year

Guest Writer - zrawhcs
Reader "zrawhcs" has written a long, but readable and enjoyable, article for Templar Truths about what's coming up in the new year. Here's the article text, complete, unabridged, verbatim:

Well there’s another year wasted at good old temple moor the only thing keeping all us faithful fans at blogspot going is we are safe in the knowledge that 2008 will bring more hilarious events and useless tribulations at our ever amusing local high school!
In 2007 we’ve had some excellent times “messing” ( I’ve been told to tone down my usual colourful language for the younger readers) about and complaining at the science college but we have a sneaking suspicion that the builders will keep us on our toes in 2008. I think it will be hard (but not impossible) to top that blatant idiocy of the “chlorine leak” however I think if they try really, really hard they can find new and interesting ways of trying to kill us all!!!

Well lets take a look at what we have to look forward to in ‘08, firstly I see we have the full KS4 reviews for parents which if memory serves is more hassle than it worth for all involved, your usual review or parents evening normally consists of waiting around for hours on end dreading your turn because you know your maths teacher is going to carry on about a certain incident that happened over a year ago (serious sir you need to let it go.) You may perhaps get one or two good reviews which is what stops your parents from killing you in plain view of all you teachers and friends without caring if they get thrown in jail for the rest of all eternity or in a friends case killing her teachers in a similar fashion because she “knows my child isn’t like that!” He he don’t you just love parents!!! Also on the subject of parents evening I have to give credit where credit is due really and give full credit to the idiot students who turn up for there appointments a good hour late making everything go “belly” up, again I have used a lower form of language so I don’t get shot for using naughty words, anyways back to my point, turn up on time no one has to wait there turn to get a scut round the head for being a little bad at school its not a difficult idea to understand really even for the doits at our school!

Next on the agenda is the always funny mock S.A.T tests, I can understand why they conduct mock G.C.S.E’s because you know it’s a massive kick up the “bottom” when you do “badly” in those as they actually bloody matter however mock S.A.T tests is like having a mock spelling test for a spelling test in English that will neither matter nor be remembered its ridiculous how nervous some of those ickle year 9’s are getting over something that in the grand scheme of things is about as important as what colour you snot was last week, although saying that it does give me some pleasure seeing those younglings brick it a week before the tests flocking to the barren waste land of homework club thinking that if they do badly they are going to get dropped into a pit of a mixture of flesh eating ants and dog “poop” and this is the mocks so imagine my delight when the real thing comes along and causes what can only be described as a mass break down of small children weeping in sorrow over a test that is likely to get miss placed and never bothered to be retaken, also I should point out it is impossible to fail S.A.T’s they only determine how much the teachers get on you nerves in the next two years, for those who don’t know nowadays your S.A.T scores go onto a stupidly clever computer that calculates how well you should do in your G.C.S.E’s so by my reckonings there should be swarms of children lining up to hit there heads on a wall with rusty nails protruding from it in a desperate bid to forget everything they’ve ever learned so that everyone thinks you mentally challenged which in our school means days out to the beach and chocolate oh and of course the real treat of “bundle” loads of stamps. So all us intelligent idiots who tried to do badly in our S.A.T’s will rejoice as once again we see those little bundles of naive joys go to there dooms as they scramble to be teacher pet by doing well in there S.A.T’s.

Right that takes us up to February which also has the joys of year 11 coursework deadline and the school production which is this year little shop of horrors a truly masterful stage production that has only managed to get better by being performed by the performing geniuses at temple moor!!! Anyways after that blatant confidence boost of the talented performers of temple moor I move onto the next event at good old science college that is in march KS3, 4 and post-16 review day, oh yes you heard me right another review day although this one is slightly different this one we get a whole day off school only to come in for a five minute chat with our form tutors now im all for getting a day off school but due to the hours my parental’s work I have to come in later in the evening this of course means I can’t just stay in bed all day only rising from my pit of doom in the mid afternoon to stroll to school to sit and listen to the same old “rubbish” I hear every year no no I have to actually get up and wait to go any listen to my form tutor saying how disappointed she is that I won’t attend after school revision sessions or study harder well im sorry mrs. Form lady I have a life something you have clearly never even brushed past in the street by the looks of it, you know she isn’t getting any…ever!!! Anyways back to my point there is another review that will tell us exactly the same thing they told us a couple of week earlier henceforth it is a complete waste of my time and effort which really “racks” me off. If you were wondering why certain words were encased with “” well ive been told my usual language is inappropriate so I have found other more gay ways of getting my point across so if you wish you can go through and determine what you would think any sane person would say or in my case insane person with extremely colourful language would say.

Now moving swiftly on to the 18th of April you will see we have at the school yet another review day oh come one are you serious? KS4 have yet another review day for parents now correct me if im wrong but that means that year 11 will have 3 reviews in as many months!!! Madness it is, im telling you but im not going to ramble on for another paragraph to tell you something you already know (an idea the school doesn’t seem to grasp)

Now I must say we haven’t given that much thought to the people who will give us most of our amusement and writing material this coming year and for once im not talking about the dunces we call teacher I am of course referring to the builders of this “fantastic” new school (as if giving us a new building will make the slightest spot of difference) I can safely say (safely because im at home were they cant find me) we can expect many more life threatening situations, all im saying I that we all die a very tragic and preventable death I want the whole “bloody” world to know I “god damn” called it. Let me think( not a very common occurrence so think yourselves lucky that im bothering to dust off the extremely neglected squishy matter they call my brain just to amuse you, the reading audience) off the top of my head I can think of many new and interesting ways to try and end all our small and slightly pathetic lives, however personally I think they should go for complete destruction I’m all for them accidentally knocking out a support beam in the main school causing a chain reaction and completely destroying the school hopefully when we are not there but if a few lives must be sacrificed so be it :D I honestly don’t mean to wish any harm on anyone but I just think it would be priceless if they spent what is it 8 million? And some “idiot” “buggered” it up and knocked down the whole school and they had to start again I just think it would rock endlessly!!!

Now I move onto may normally a joyous month of sunshine and lollipops (no reference to the song please) which is of course going to be shadowed with impending doom for this years year 11 I am of course referring to the G.C.S.E examinations I must say as much as I would love to sit here and poke fun at the nerds who actually revise for these exams I cant as most of the people I know and love who read this will be sat at home rocking backwards and forwards saying over and over again “there’s not enough time, I cant revise it all“ well maybe you should learn from this and instead of panicking, say “balls to it” and expect to fail because of which you will neither surprised or unset when you end up stacking shelves in Lidl for all of eternity ( sorry guys but I speak but the truth) now I can understand if you wish to actually achieve something in life and want to pass your G.C.S.E’s however I will not condone the actions of the school on the subject of study leave, they claim to be trying help us by introducing this new “rag” analysis which sounds a little like something our good friend Freud would say about some Burk who wants to bone his mother it is however a completely unfair way of taking away the only good thing about exams which is of course study leave, a ridiculous name for a time of sleep and going out mixed in with occasional exams. The system goes as thus if you are failing by more than a grade (how can you fail before you take the exam?!?!) then you get put on red which means you get “bugger” all study leave even if you are acing everything else and failing some mind numbing subject like R.E you get put in revision classes for the weeks of exam with spazzy mcspazzton and his gang of retards, if your failing by only one grade then you get put on amber which is a little like purgatory being on amber is not as bad as the hell of the world of red and the spasm’s but it is no were near as good as the heavenly world of green in which all is happy and light, amber means that you get some study leave but have to come for some revision sessions (surly the system would work if you had to revise only the subjects you suck at) I must say coming in for revision sessions can be on occasion be a little fun, I know what your think “oh my god, could it be true, dare we believe that the writer is saying temple moor is capable of creating fun from revision” well if your think that, the simple answer is no the longer answer I cant type as young eyes may read this and repeat it to there mothers and get a right good hit round the noggin I personally have no objections to this but the boss says im not aloud to get children beaten for my bad mouth words however back to the point I am simple saying that pretending to do revision whilst drawing rude pictures in science books however childish can be amusing especially when the next pupils to use the books are young and na├»ve year 7’s, hilarious it is to see there little faces go all red and flushed because someone drew a penis on the very unreal looking drawing of a human male. Anyways back to my original point before I digressed to purgatory and penis’s , exams. I personally have an agreement with exams they can go and annoy as many self respecting students who value there future as much as they want as long as they leave me the hell alone its strange I actually enjoy them you get time off usual lessons to sit in a room in which is supposed to be in silence even thought every time the examiner person turns round I mouth the game to my friends ( oh that’s a point sorry guys I just lost the game) whilst ticking little boxes at random trying to make the prettiest pattern possible( I think it goes A B A C, try it next time your in an exam it works) eventually getting bored of that I attempt to motivate myself to actually answer some questions for real after about 5 minutes of arguments my brain decides its in my best interests to actually try so I do, fail, get bored and fall asleep. Temple moor exams are great better than any other exams simple because at the end of every exam Mr. Fleetwood or Mr. Fahy think that a nice motivation speech will stop students from “messing” around, it usual goes something like this (clears throat with passion) “ well done year 11 you’ve started your exams really well, your been quiet and good a great start but now your got to keep this up, you know that we are the best school for exam” ect ect which makes everyone late for what ever it is they’ve got planned for after the exam, excellent sir well done you successfully made a whole hall of people want to kill themselves because your voice is about as monotonal as Stephen Hawkins ( no offence to the man he’s all good and nerdy and cant help being all disabled and not being able to speak Mr Fahy on the other hand isn’t and doesn’t have an excuse) his words are chosen in such a way I think its trying to be poetic however if they got any duller the hitchhiker guide to the galaxy would have to replace Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Sussex on the number one spot of worst poetry with Mr. Fahy of up your own “bum” county because if you thought dieing of internal haemorrhaging and gnawing your own legs off was bad Mr Fahy’s will make your brain implode and explode at the same time causing a rip in time and space which would in destroy the universe and all inside it, it’s a good job really that no one listens isn’t it!
Moving on from the subject of exams to the even more exiting and ever useful (are you ready for this)…. Fun run or more correctly “charity walk” on the 12th June I have a personal history with this thing as 2 years ago as we all know there was sports week it was said for the week NO UNIFORM, sports gear needed now if you know me then you’ll know I don’t do sports wear so me being me I wore army gear a perfectly reasonable substitution if the army can wage WARS in this I think I can walk in it right? Wrong I was sent home on the last day (of the whole year) for refusal to wear uniform but this was under the iron fist of Mr. Im inhumanly tall Sheriff, this year even thought I wont be around to enjoy it I wish the best of luck to all those participating. I remember one of the times I did the fun run (when it was indeed called the fun run ) seeing people who clearly needed to get a hobby or even better to get laid as they had collected ridiculous amounts of money for a charity they didn’t even know of and were running past like lunatics that had escaped from the local loony bin, making a run for it whilst they still could before they got shot in the ass by a tranquilliser gun ….oops sorry I mean “bum” I mean okay if your good at sports and care about charity work fine do the run collect the money fine…you’re an idiot but fine, but its when they start making a competition you know something is wrong or worse still when they come up to you shaking there heads trying to make you move faster that’s when I start breaking legs and make it look like an accident I will not walk faster, I will not run and if you touch me again in an attempt to push me forwards I will make sure that you pee through a tube for the next couple of weeks. I feel I must say that I am in no way against charity as it seems to come across but I am against giving school money to “give” to a charity ill give it to them myself thank you very much.

Also to look out for in June is the summer variety show on the 18th and 19th the first of which is the dance show and the second and best is the music show again I must stress that the temple moor performers are in everyway excellent and wonderfully talented in everyway the summer variety show is a very joyous occasion in which you sit in a swelteringly hot hall and listen to the music (or watch dancers if you like watching people prancing around like fools although that’s not fair as some of the dancers at temple moor are actually quite good) of the geniuses at temple moor. Although it must be said last years was a little disturbing at times one act I recall where two year 9 girls grinding each other like lesbian lovers in a gay bar which was both really wrong and made the whole atmosphere very uncomfortable whilst they were on you didn’t know whether to clap or not at the end because if you clapped too much it looked like you really enjoyed seeing these too painfully underage girls going at it like they munched more rug than a faulty vacuum cleaner but if no one clapped im sure those 2 girls would have felt extremely unloved and unappreciated (which to be honest they should have because no body wanted to see that) also I remember there were some younger kids who looked so nervous I thought they would spew up but other than that it was excellent and I must say if your going to go to a school music thingy that probably your best bet as there’s a bit of everything rock, pop even jazz last year so its an all round good night, wow I actually had something nice to say…this…never happens…. Anyway getting dragged kicking and screaming into July im slightly confused (don’t panic….it often happens like an inner brain freeze that comes and goes as it pleases without the niceness of the ice-cream…I like ice-cream….sorry) there is something happening called new parents evening…I don’t know what this is so don’t ask me I have no idea so I cant think of anything witty or amusing to say about it only that its going to happen and speculate on what it could be but the best my brain could come up with is that it’s a sort of twisted torture for adopted kids like come and have your new parents listen to us telling them how “bad” you are!!! But that’s silly I don’t think that’s what it really is but if in July on the 2nd there is a flurry or kids crying there eyes out with strange people you’ll know I was right. Anyways after that there is only a series of pointless events that grind the stump of the year to a bloody stop, reviews, work experience ect.

Well I guess that’s all for 2008 I say that’s all, there really is quite a lot to do isn’t there I was so hoping for a year of pointless chatter and sleeping in class (which I will be doing anyway) and of course what I can also say we have to look forward to is the moments you will always remember at school I guess im expected to say meeting new friends, learning, getting a boy/girlfriend but im not gay what im talking about is the moments of pure amusement when someone, anyone don’t matter who it is “messes” up teachers falling over your strategically placed bag, a child in the lunch hall tripping and landing in a plate of gravy, the head teachers stupid laugh and his little neck, the times you get yelled at and a friend is stood behind you pulling faces or when you in the exam hall and the old man examiners fly is down (that was so funny) all I know is that this year is going to be even more balls droopingly funny that last year I have high hopes for the year 11 leavers day (lets see if they can beat last years chlorine scare) and am just generally looking forward to pissing and moaning about being back at good old temple moor.

Written by guest- zrawhcs

P.s If any of the subjects or metaphors in this review have offended you do feel free to go and boil your head in a pan of cheap stinking chip oil, I speak but the truth… DEAL WITH IT!!!!!
P.P.S If you come to temple moor Good luck this year I think were gunna need it!

(Remember, if you've got something to write, email it to us at!)

Monday, 7 January 2008

Back In Business

Happy New Year! Well, not quite. It's just the first day and there's a heavy stink of failure in the air. What, you expected otherwise? Foolish you.

Firstly, Year 11 Parents' Evening. To see how many parents want to actually speak to teachers - apparently one-sheet reports aren't enough, who'd have guessed? - there's a letter with a slip at the bottom you're supposed to cut off. On the back of the letter is a table for pupils to record appointment times with teachers. Spot the intentional mistake. That's right. You have to cut off half the sheet. The solution? Give out the reverse side separately, of course.

Some teachers left school over the term holiday (who can blame them?), so pupils have been issued new timetables. Bizarrely, everyone got them, even those with no changes.

We at Templar Truths wish you a happy New Year, but we're smart enough to realise it's not going to happen.