Monday, 4 February 2008

Complaint Letter

It used to be the case where you carefully typed a complaint letter, but those days are over. Now you can get it automatically done at the automatic complaint letter generator. Can it surmise the missteps, errors, disasters, flamingo-ups (like cock-ups, but bigger) and general aura of failure around Temple Moor? Here's a three-paragraph letter of anger:

I, for one, will not waste my time criticizing or insulting Temple Moor High School as 1) it is unlikely to change, and 2) Temple Moor High School probably revels in the letters of shock and repulsion that it regularly receives. Instead, I will focus on its discourteous, pathetic morals, which, after all, are the things that brandish the word "counterexpostulation" (as it is commonly spelled) to hoodwink people into believing that the cure for evil is more evil. To begin with, I wish I didn't have to be the one to break the news that people should just treat each other with decency and respect. Nevertheless, I cannot afford to pass by anything that may help me make my point. So let me just state that as our society continues to unravel, more and more people will be grasping for straws, grasping for something to hold onto, grasping for something that promises to give them the sense of security and certainty that they so desperately need. These are the types of people Temple Moor High School preys upon.

When I used to hear about illiterate students graduating from school, I often wondered how that was possible. But after encountering some of Temple Moor's more prolix plans for the future, I now realize that not only is it possible for people to graduate without having learned fundamental skills such as reading and writing, but that it's possible for these same people to believe that the best way to reduce cognitive dissonance and restore homeostasis to one's psyche is to attack everyone else's beliefs. Let me begin by saying that Temple Moor may be reasonably cunning with words. However, it is entirely uncontrollable with everything else. The main dissensus between me and Temple Moor is that I claim that Temple Moor has been working for years to create a moral and ideological climate in which patronizing twits can malign and traduce me. It, on the other hand, contends that public opinion is a reliable indicator of what's true and what isn't. It seems ironic that I have resisted taking legal action against Temple Moor, as others have advised me to do, given that its cat's-paws are an amalgamation of slaphappy braggadocios, baleful fruitcakes, and other unpatriotic, lamebrained prima donnas. This is equivalent to saying that because of its obsession with pharisaism, Temple Moor's secret agents all look like Temple Moor, think like Temple Moor, act like Temple Moor, and push our efforts two steps backward, just like Temple Moor does. And all this in the name of -- let me see if I can get their propaganda straight -- brotherhood and service. Ha!

To use some computer terminology, Temple Moor's flock has an "installed base" of hundreds of barbaric pillocks. The implication is that the only weapons Temple Moor has in its intellectual arsenal are book burning, brainwashing, and intimidation. That's all it has, and it knows it. Clearly, Temple Moor claims that the average working-class person can't see through its chicanery. That claim is preposterous and, to use Temple Moor's own language, overtly shallow. No history can justify it. One last thing: Temple Moor's sinful snow jobs benefit from this sense of "us versus them".

Damn. I think I'm out of a job...

Don't give up on Templar Truths just yet though. We're still a great source of news. For example, Year 10 students studying business will be soon taking part in the Stock Market Challenge - well, someone needs to help. We also know that one teacher "bullied a Student to carry her hand bag as it was slightly heavy". Scandalous stuff.

It's the start of attendance target week thing. Ready for Deal or No Deal? I am. Can't wait to see how laughably bad the whole thing will most likely be. In case it's a success, though, we'll notice - thanks to our keen eyesight (we can spot tiny bamboo sticks from miles away). After that shambles-to-be (have they even signed up Noel Edmonds?), it's half-term, so teachers can take a break from boring us all with ox-bow lakes.

1 comment:

atomfox said...

I'd just like to say I don't think you're 'out of a job' because this letter just wasn't funny ¬_¬ and therefore not that enjoyable to read.