If only it would. Unfortunately, as I'm sure you're all aware, we've had 5 fire alarms in roughly as many weeks - not one of them being a genuine fire. Now we know some fires have been caused by construction work and so on, however, there is absolutely no excuse for the magnitude of false alarms we've seen over the past several weeks. It's simply stunning, and it leads one to believe that the school are entirely incompetant. Obviously they aren't deliberately sounding the alarm, but they're surely running out of excuses by now. In fact, yes they have; we're now blaming it on the P.E. Department once again. Or so it is rumoured.
As we revealed several weeks ago, one of the earlier alarms was caused by steam from the P.E. showers (confessed by a teacher), so how could P.E. have done it this time? Assuming they've done something about the utter fiasco that led to a shower of all things sending us surging out into the cold, how else could they have done it? A stary football knocking a builder off his perch onto a fire alarm mechanism? A P.E. teacher with a vengeance angrily putting his fist through the alarm? An elaborate ploy by a disgruntled headteacher to pin the blame on innocent P.E. advocates?
Lord knows how it's happened again, but it has. And if the fire alarm goes any more, I have a feeling it's going to turn into the famous story of the School that cried Fire. It went something like this;
A teacher stood around one day, looking after a herd of students who were happily grazing on a book of frustratingly tedious maths problems, when he decides to liven up the day by crying "Fire!". The fire engines come screeching in, as the teacher makes up a phony, obviously desperate excuse to get out of prosecution, pinning it on the P.E. Department. Well, the same thing happened week after week, until one day, annoyed beyond belief by the stupid staff, the fire department teamed up with a bitter group of pupils in one of the most harrowing massacres of modern history, leaving many staff dead or wounded. It's a sickening children's story, yes, but one that I just had to recount...