Tempo Online

Don't be fooled by the title, this isn't about Temple Moor uploading issues of Tempo onto the web in PDF form - they haven't done that in ages. No, we're talking about the brand new blog Tempo-Online (odd hyphens are definitely cool, didn't you get the memo?).

"This is not a rip off of Templar Truths" they quickly assert under their title. The aim, though, is quite similar to Templar Truths' aim:

This isnt a copy of templar truths they are legend. we just thought that the current half-termly tempo magazine really is a bit shit so we thought hey lets start this up and you can write articles in for yourself with your name included or not w.e so jus email tempo-online@googlemail.com

We're legendary, apparently. But the real question: will they be?

Well their grammar and spelling isn't perfect - neither is our's, but we capitalise the first letter of sentences - and they only have two posts so far. One is their introduction, and the second is actually about the lack of fire alarms.

Currently, they're quite low on content, then. But even we took a while to evolve into the beast you see today. We'll have to give them a chance to see how well they develop, and we encourage you to do the same.

Why the need for another blog, anyway? What's wrong with this one? They explain in an email:

we feel that as we arent from your year (we r yr 10s) half of the time some of your posts dont make sense to us

Sorry to all of those who don't understand some of our posts - we hope you like the rest of our blog. And Tempo-Online are after some writers, so email them if you're in need of somewhere to vent your anger about TMHS.

Little Shop gets own site

There's just a handful of Temple Moor websites. The official one, the Wikipedia article and this blog. But now there's another officially sanctioned website - and it's to publicise Little Shop Of Horrors.

lsoh.co.uk is, currently, a large image - basically a digital version of the poster you can see around school. "Site opens: 18th Feb" declares the page. Today is the 20th Feb, so who knows when the site will have more stuff on it? It's all very nice and colourful - generally looking pretty good.

But there's still one question: why? It's most likely because the school has blown its budget (covered here by Templar Truths) and so they want to boost ticket sales to their maximum. Well, guys, if all you've got is a big picture then it's not likely to work.

Now, you don't think all we're going to do is praise, do you? The webpage title is "Little Shop Of Horror". Pardon me, but it's "Horrors" - there's many horrors, not just one. A look at the source code reveals this mistake is everywhere - in the description and keywords. "Tickets on sale from W3" it says - but if they're trying to attract a large audience, they might need more detail than that. Like where the school is.

Finally, if you hit Ctrl+A (for "select all"), you'll see tiny text with keywords - is Temple Moor trying to boost its Google PageRank by adding lots of keywords? Tut, tut. Would they like it if we appeared top of a Google search for "temple moor"? I doubt it. But what the hell...

Temple Moor, TMHS, Temple Moor High School Science College, Leeds, school, chlorine gas leak

Smoking Man adds:
Ironically enough, even though the school has gone to the trouble of sneaking in these keywords, googling "Temple Moor Little Shop" or "Temple Moor Little Shop of Horrors" brings us up as the first result! lsoh.co.uk is not, in fact, on the front page at all. Way to fail guys!

Official site in update shock

You read that title right. The hardly updated school website has been updated. Actually, it's been updated more regularly than ever before...and all since this blog started and we criticised the site. What am I implying? Make up your own minds.

The most noticeable change is the front page spiel from Mr Fleetwood. Actually, that's probably a good thing - he'd kept the same text as Sheriff put up. But the new version is a lot smaller. Fewer words by far. Bizarrely though, the text has massive gaps in between lines of text? Why is this? A quick peek at the page's source code (the HTML that is rendered by your browser into the page you see) reveals this code:
< p >Welcome to the website of Temple Moor High School Science College.< /p >
< p >&nbps< /p >
What does this mean? Well, sensibly, they've put the text in a paragraph (denoted by the < P > tags), but then they've added another paragraph and all that's in it is a space. The next paragraph starts after that. But < P > tags cause spacing between paragraphs anyway, so the extra paragraph is redundant. Not only this, but as you can see on the site, it looks awful.

There's some news! Sadly they've kept the news presentation as awful scrolling news with marquee> tags that were last cool in 1996.
Look at me! I'm text that moves. Temple Moor is excellent...moving text proves it.
One headline is this: "Half Term Holidays - school closes Friday 8 February and reopens Monday 18 February". Out goes succinct, then. The actual article text is this: "School closes on Friday, 8 February and reopens on Monday, 18 February." Honestly. It's shorter than the headline and discloses no extra information. What's the point?

Spotted something awful on the site? Made a mock-up of how it should look? Or something else related to the official website? If so, stick it in the comments.

Sorry about the awful representation of HTML tags, but if you put them in, Blogger thinks it's code you want - even when wrapped with < code > tags.

Complaint Letter

It used to be the case where you carefully typed a complaint letter, but those days are over. Now you can get it automatically done at the automatic complaint letter generator. Can it surmise the missteps, errors, disasters, flamingo-ups (like cock-ups, but bigger) and general aura of failure around Temple Moor? Here's a three-paragraph letter of anger:

I, for one, will not waste my time criticizing or insulting Temple Moor High School as 1) it is unlikely to change, and 2) Temple Moor High School probably revels in the letters of shock and repulsion that it regularly receives. Instead, I will focus on its discourteous, pathetic morals, which, after all, are the things that brandish the word "counterexpostulation" (as it is commonly spelled) to hoodwink people into believing that the cure for evil is more evil. To begin with, I wish I didn't have to be the one to break the news that people should just treat each other with decency and respect. Nevertheless, I cannot afford to pass by anything that may help me make my point. So let me just state that as our society continues to unravel, more and more people will be grasping for straws, grasping for something to hold onto, grasping for something that promises to give them the sense of security and certainty that they so desperately need. These are the types of people Temple Moor High School preys upon.

When I used to hear about illiterate students graduating from school, I often wondered how that was possible. But after encountering some of Temple Moor's more prolix plans for the future, I now realize that not only is it possible for people to graduate without having learned fundamental skills such as reading and writing, but that it's possible for these same people to believe that the best way to reduce cognitive dissonance and restore homeostasis to one's psyche is to attack everyone else's beliefs. Let me begin by saying that Temple Moor may be reasonably cunning with words. However, it is entirely uncontrollable with everything else. The main dissensus between me and Temple Moor is that I claim that Temple Moor has been working for years to create a moral and ideological climate in which patronizing twits can malign and traduce me. It, on the other hand, contends that public opinion is a reliable indicator of what's true and what isn't. It seems ironic that I have resisted taking legal action against Temple Moor, as others have advised me to do, given that its cat's-paws are an amalgamation of slaphappy braggadocios, baleful fruitcakes, and other unpatriotic, lamebrained prima donnas. This is equivalent to saying that because of its obsession with pharisaism, Temple Moor's secret agents all look like Temple Moor, think like Temple Moor, act like Temple Moor, and push our efforts two steps backward, just like Temple Moor does. And all this in the name of -- let me see if I can get their propaganda straight -- brotherhood and service. Ha!

To use some computer terminology, Temple Moor's flock has an "installed base" of hundreds of barbaric pillocks. The implication is that the only weapons Temple Moor has in its intellectual arsenal are book burning, brainwashing, and intimidation. That's all it has, and it knows it. Clearly, Temple Moor claims that the average working-class person can't see through its chicanery. That claim is preposterous and, to use Temple Moor's own language, overtly shallow. No history can justify it. One last thing: Temple Moor's sinful snow jobs benefit from this sense of "us versus them".

Damn. I think I'm out of a job...

---

Don't give up on Templar Truths just yet though. We're still a great source of news. For example, Year 10 students studying business will be soon taking part in the Stock Market Challenge - well, someone needs to help. We also know that one teacher "bullied a Student to carry her hand bag as it was slightly heavy". Scandalous stuff.

It's the start of attendance target week thing. Ready for Deal or No Deal? I am. Can't wait to see how laughably bad the whole thing will most likely be. In case it's a success, though, we'll notice - thanks to our keen eyesight (we can spot tiny bamboo sticks from miles away). After that shambles-to-be (have they even signed up Noel Edmonds?), it's half-term, so teachers can take a break from boring us all with ox-bow lakes.

What's The Best Policy?

On Temple Moor's often-joked about website, there's a list of the school's "policies". Because we at Templar Truths seriously have nothing better to do, here's some highlights from the policies.

Assemblies should "provide a collective act of worship". Never in my school life at Temple Moor has assembly ever created any atmosphere of religious worship. We've never bowed our heads to thank the almighty God for giving us builders who try to kill us with chlorine. Another point, not mentioned in the policy PDFs is that Temple Moor's assembly themes - pinned on noticeboards in all classrooms - are never adhered to.

"Pupils will be taught ways to validate information before accepting that it is necessarily accurate" says the Internet Access PDF. Here's a case study: Temple Moor's website and this blog. We try to be accurate, while maintaining high levels of satire and comedy. We're not afraid to speak the truth. Also, "pupils will be made aware that the writer of an e-mail or the author of a web page might not be the person claimed". Fair enough. For example, I - Thor - am not really a Norse God.

More from Internet Access: "the security of the whole system will be reviewed with regards to threats to security from Internet access". How about we stop using Internet Explorer 6? Even if Firefox/Opera is deemed a step too far (i.e. sensible), IE7 would be beneficial, surely? "Personal floppy disks may not be brought into school without specific permission and virus check" - this means if you bring in a floppy disk (because you're from the Dark Ages, I assume), it will be checked for viruses before you get to use it. Sensible? Perhaps. Complicated and slowing down education? Most definitely. Also, Temple Moor reserves the right to monitor every file you make, every website you visit and wants you to ask a teacher before you log onto the 'Net.

Does your form tutor "check that all pupils have a planner before they leave morning registration"? Mine doesn't. However, some (apparently) do this. You cannot be in a lesson if you "have a proper planner". I've known people go entire days without their planners - this system needs tightening up, or forgetting about. Ever been in a class where you're all on a verbal warning? "Whole classes must never to given verbal warning" says the policy. Ignore the awful grammar (it's supposed to say "whole classes must never be given a verbal warning") and remember this when your teacher says it.

"Do not leave students outside the classroom for more than two minutes" is one that's often adhered to, but it's not unknown for teachers to leave them longer. "It is essential", reads the policy in bold type, "that teachers read the [detention] notices to the pupils". That is a damn good idea. So why, I can only wonder, have Temple Moor abandoned common sense and gone with the idea of getting pupils to read the detention lists themselves?

If you really want to gain an understanding as to what happens in Temple Moor, and why, some of these policies are essential reading.

"Moor" on the web

Oh, yes, isn't that pun just hilarious? It's like "more on the web", but incorporating part of the school's name. Either way you look at it, it's certainly a lot cleverer than this:

Don't ask me what that's all about. But here's what the uploader said about it:

This were i fell off my bike at my mates i broke my wrist and my elbow and went flying over my handle bars and did a 180 flip
-beastypie07

The video's got only 17 views as I type this, hasn't been rated out of five stars at all yet and has no clicks from any website. But if you're after more from beastypie07, the sensibly-named YouTube user, check out his other video "Garner v Danny" - yes, it's another appalling bad fight, set to awful music.

And now onto more positive news. The website Urban Dictionary is a bit like Wikipedia, but a dictionary. Users define new phrases and words that have come into use. What's "The Henry Winkler", a "vague chesire on AIM" or "glowmophobia"? I suggest you avoid them, and instead look at "cumhead". Not sure what it means? Well one definition is this:

The word cumhead orginates from Temple Moor High School.

The word means someone who puts so much gel on their hair, you can actually see little lumps of it. Making it appear to be cum in a sort of way

"Hey cumhead, what's that's in your hair?"
"Gel"
"It looks like cum to me cumhead"

Makes you proud to attend the school, doesn't it?

Website updated

About time! Today, the school website has changed its scrolling marquee of news text. School's shut tomorrow.

Finally, they've sorted out the website. You can now click on "Post 16" and go to a functioning webpage. The latest newsletter is available in PDF format, though Tempo magazines are still missing. We at Templar Truths applaud the effort made by whoever's done this.

But don't you think it's a bit late to tell us today that we're off school tomorrow? Especially as no-one regularly checks the website for news, nor does the school offer RSS. We have readers, and an RSS feed. We haven't told you that you're off tomorrow because you should really know by now. In short, stick with us!

Happy now, Nick? We've linked to the official website.

Website Broken

While the school's website may be infamous for its non-existent updating, it seems that the website has been struck by a new problem: it's broken. While the homepage looks fine, delve deeper and you'll see that it's falling apart at the seams.

The Tempo page, above, has no Tempos available! All those carefully PDF'd Tempos of old are now lost. Oh dear, oh dear. Someone's really made a mistake! Will they be fired? Maybe if anyone actually notices the error here, but the website is looked at so infrequently, God knows when that will be.

And here's another mistake! The "Post 16" page displays:

error '80020009'
/Sixth.asp, line 64

To the Templar Truths staff, it looks like the page about the sixth form (sixth.asp) has an error in its coding, on line 64. This error is so serious, the page won't be displayed. Someone had better go fix it!

Visit the Temple Moor site yourself! If you spot a problem, email templemoorhighblog@hotmail.co.uk

New Site Soon?

After our review of the school's official website, Templar Truths has some exciting news about the website.

An inside source has told Templar Truths that a new website may be arriving in about six months. The school's site will, apparently, move to a new host or something similar. This will mean the website may be redesigned and that's why the current website isn't at all updated. It's a plausible, and very likely true, explanation for why the website isn't updated. Ever.

Of course, if this doesn't happen, you can't see we were wrong, but you can blame our "inside source".

What features do you want to see on the new website? Add some comments!

School Website: A Review

"All the latest news and information as it happens" is what you'll get from the official Temple Moor website, according to the latest planners. Now, we know - from a previous post - that the school planner is hardly likely to contain the most reliable information. But does it in this case?

No. The planner is totally wrong.

The scrolling "latest news" headlines declares its latest news: the Ofsted report...from October 2006. In terms of news, it's as up-to-the-minute as the news that Princess Diana is dead (I'm looking at you, the Daily Express). In fact, click on "latest news" and you'll see that the Ofsted news is the only news on the website. Really.

The site's homepage has a few paragraphs summing up why the school has bought the domain name and set up the website. It's finished by the head...sorry...the principal writing his name. Amazingly, the words haven't changed a bit since the principal swap. Odd, that...

One of the website's more ingenious functions is providing copies of the newsletter - which, as you may know, never tells you any real news - and Tempo (a magazine which doesn't so much inform as back-pat). The last Tempo is from February, and I'm fairly sure there's been Tempos since then. As for newsletters, the "latest" one is from September 1st, last year. It's over a year old!

Everything else seems to be in order, and the site is fairly well designed. Not by pupils or staff, but by some unrelated company. The copyright, though, is for 2005 - hardly regular updating, eh?