The "April 2008" newsletter is clearly not. Not only was it distributed in May, but it even details events than happened in May (in the past tense) - so it was clearly not from April. Anyway, you know the drill of examining these things by now.
Summer Term
"talents of Temple Moor students once again take centre stage", "Variety Shows", "a pleasure to be a part of the Year 11 Prom", "I wish all students who are undertaking exams in Years 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 and 14 the best of luck"
The theme here is a quite a simple one: TMHS kids done good. And, despite the many disasters thrown at them, they have. Well done! You may notice in the news there's controversy over whether kids sit too many exams. Note the complete disregard in wishing six years of pupils good luck in their upcoming exams!
Key Dates
"an extra staff development day..."
Now that's good news. Unless you're in Year 11, because you'll be gone by that time.
Sixth Form Study Leave
"Year 12 study leave will commence at the end of school on Wednesday 14th May", "all Year 12 students will continue their studies until the examination results"
Does this make any sense?
RAG Analysis
"the successful implementation across the whole school", "up and running in every year group", "relatively few number of Red or Amber students", "a really positive impact", "here to stay"
Our dislike of the system is well known, but perhaps it does have some advantages. The real question is: does it have more advantages than previous systems? And another question I want answers to: why is the current trend to use the word "cohort"? "Red cohorts" sound like communists, "amber cohorts" are possibly those miners in Jurassic Park and "green cohorts" sound like environmentalists.
Study Leave
"following on from...RAG", "only be granted for those students on GREEN", "booster sessions and revision classes"
Amazingly, they haven't resorted to their favourite line: "it's a privilege, not a right". But that's compensated for by the random capitalisation of colours. It's just odd. Many students (well, those on Red and Amber) feel this approach is silly and while it might be useful, some people do just work better at home.
Year 11 Examination Information for Parents
If we're honest, there's nothing here we haven't heard before.
Stress Buster for Sixth Formers
"learn a smattering of conversational Italian in preparation for their holidays"
Italian lessons are "stress-busting"? I prefer relaxing things, but whatever...
Attendance
"Attendance is a high priority at Temple Moor. Research suggests that students below 92% attendance, which is 17 missed days of schooling a year, will drop one full GCSE grade as a result of the number of lessons missed."
That's the entire article and it's absolutely pointless. It seems to only have been written so they could shoehorn in one of Temple Moor's favourite statistics.
Higher Education Entry 2009
"held on June 25th", "all year 12 students who intend to apply for university"
This - shock of shocks - is a sensible plan. Information that's useful for future life. Now, perhaps if this idea was spread school-wide...
Year 12 Induction Day
"July 1st", "all students progressing to sixth form in September are expected to attend"
A huh.
Lower School Rugby
"the [continued] development of an excellent standard of rugby league", "next season should be even bigger and better"
Well done to those in lower school who do brilliantly at rugby. Keep up the good work - someone's got to uphold the school's reputation.
Young Gifted and Talented (NAGTY) Day
"ten of our Young Gifted and Talented student cohort", "tremendously successful", "competed against 160 students"
The school does support its gifted and talented students...even if it does insist on "cohort"! Good luck to them all in their future involvement in this project.
Games Club
"why don't you join us on Monday's and Wednesday's [?]", "we play board games such as monopoly, scrabble and snakes and ladders"
Well it sounds like fun...even though you'll be stuck playing Monopoly till the next day comes. And what's going on with those random apostrophes for pluralising?
Year 11 Prom
"a memorable night", "girls' dresses were outstanding", "boys were very smart", "one of the best year 11 proms yet"
Indeed, we can report that the Year 11 Prom was a success and just about everyone enjoyed the night. Especially the tipsy teachers...
Super Learning Week
"focus for this year's Super Learning Week is 'Every Child Matters' ", "activities will be based on business and enterprise, citizenship, media and ICT"
How do those activities relate to the loose theme? What happened to weeks themed after lessons like Science and even PE? Where's "History Week" and "Geography Week"?
Cricket
"more cricket teams than ever", "increasing popularity", "home matches at Whitkirk Cricket Club", "let's hope for the sun to shine"
Is cricket becoming more popular? If so, will it become a bigger part of PE? And have these plans been accommodated by BSF? It's doubtful, which is a shame - walking to Whitkirk Cricket Club wastes much time that could be spent cricketing.
The G O Bell Award
"prestigious event running once a year", "professional coaching workshops"
It seems Temple Moor was ahead of its time, predicting cricket's popularity fifty years back. And well done to this year's winner, Michael O'Brien.
Multi Skills Camp
"some people may think that the Easter holidays were for relaxing", "30 Gifted and Talented pupils from...feeder primary schools", "designed to develop psychomotor excellence", "all pupils enjoyed the experience"
Well that is what the Easter holidays are for! Doesn't "psychomotor" sound a bit like telekinesis? Newsflash: Temple Moor creating secret army of telekinetic students.
'Electric Umbrella' Claim Top Prize In Music Competition
"congratulations to Alex Walker, Matthew Walker and Jamie Stringer", "rock band 'Electric Umbrella' ", "a stunning performance demonstrating proficiency and musicianship", "walked away with the title", "small but faithful band of supporters"
I believe we've already covered the excellence of the Umbrella.
Summer Week of Performance
"after the success of the Summer Variety Show last year", "three on shows on successive nights", "tickets will be £3 for each performance"
Three separate shows for music, drama and dance is a brilliant idea - and it gets better if Electric Umbrella are performing. Three quid's not a bad price; so expect reviews.
A Level Art Exhibition
"to celebrate the outstanding work", "entry is free"
A-Level art pieces in an exhibition? How very cultured and possibly very good. So long as it's not an unmade bed or half a cow.
Showing posts with label newsletters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label newsletters. Show all posts
Thursday, 22 May 2008
Thursday, 20 March 2008
Newsletter V Us
It's that time again - the school have printed off a new newsletter. Is it a beacon of intelligent journalism, or thinly-disguised propaganda distributed to the masses? What do you think?
Spring Term
"fantastically successful spring term", "Little Shop of Horrors was an outstanding success", "our passion for Science", "witness to the horrors of genocide", "we [should] regularly check our sons' and daughters' phones", "new building is slowly taking form"
A successful term? At Temple Moor? That's right - an over-budget show (albeit a good one), kids getting caught with drugs, the awful PD Shop, destruction of parking facilities...it's your average amazing term. Education about genocide, however, is a good thing, one which we can't fault. But the main outcry now is the suggestion that parents should snoop around kids' phones looking for "inappropriate images and video footage" - invasion of privacy, much?
Key Dates
"extra staff development day"
Four magic words right there.
Uniform
"we pride ourselves on our standards", "it is often commented upon", "new house tie at the cost of £3.50"
No hoodies, patterned tights or too much make up. Seems sensible enough. About these ties, though. If, last year, you got one of the ties, chances are you'll end up paying for one of this year's ties, which look rubbish in comparison.
Attendance
"a high priority", "a series of Deal Or No Deal assemblies", "£25 being award to one lucky student in each year group", "Deal Or No Deal will return", "research suggests that students with...17 missed days of schooling...will drop one full GCSE grade"
Attendance might be a high priority, but Deal Or No Deal shouldn't. Plus they're bringing those cringe-inducing assemblies back at some point, which should provide laughs all round. And this research - well, what can you say? 17 days off is a grade drop. But then again, you can distort statistics any way you like.
Year 11 Examination Information For Parents
"ensure your child is in full school uniform", "students can bring water into the exam"
Basically, this is a list of stuff you already knew - you must wear uniform, and you can bring in water being just two points.
Aim Higher
"Richard McCann, an established author (Just a Boy) gave a motivational presentation"
I'm confused - did Mr McCann write a book called Just A Boy or is he an author who is just a boy?
Auschwitz Holocaust Visit
"two of our 6th formers", "visit Auschwitz as part of the Lessons Learned from Auschwitz project", "will be featuring in further assemblies and an anti-bullying project"
As we've said, teaching about genocide is a good idea. However, saying "6th" instead of "sixth" looks a bit unprofessional - that's twice it's appeared in this newsletter.
Holocaust Survivor
"Mr Eugene Black...is a Holocaust survivor", "just 12...when he was taken to Auschwitz", "a very moving talk"
Again, a good thing.
Passport to University
"some of our Year 7 students will be visiting Leeds Metropolitan University"
Uhm...I can't think of anything to say about this. At all. Go Year 7?
Year 10 Stock Market Challenge
"group of our Year 10 Business Studies students took part in the inter-school stock market challenge", "used quick thinking decision making and enterprise skills", "achieved 2nd place"
We broke this news ages ago. Well done to them, anyway.
National Science & Engineering Week
"a great success", "Marty Jopson amazed us", "we strive to promote a passion for Science in all students"
I wasn't even aware of this special, themed week. But apparently the school's done lots of Sciencey stuff - they probably have to or they'll get their Science College status taken off them. More on Marty Jopson here.
Leeds book awards
"a mixture of fifteen students", "reading six short listed books", "students will vote", "check out the website"
So some kids went somewhere, read some books that might win Leeds Book Award and will vote. Plus you can find more details at www.leedsbookawards.co.uk - not a bad deal, eh?
Storyteller
"Christine McMahon excited and entranced Year 7", "students were transfixed", "each group...encouraged to make up their own story", "now a competition"
Stories were read, then written. A winner will be chosen by some mysterious selection process, with the possibility of a prize, but don't bet on it!
Year 7 Football Team
"reaching the last sixteen in the English Schools FA Cup", "semi-finals of the Leeds School Cup"
Seems like they're doing quite well, doesn't it? With no mention of any other teams, are they the only ones? Anyway, congratulations for representing your school better than it does itself.
ContinYou
"despite the building works", "Tchoukball Club", "very successful"
"ContinYou" is a pun that, if we're fair, needs to blasted with atomic weapons. Readers - is Tchoukball any good, at all? Email or comment, please.
PE Kit
"part of school uniform", "an increasing number of students who have incomplete PE kit", "they will be issued with a negative comment"
It seems like sensible action - if you're missing some kit, you'll get a comment. Presumably an organisational one. But why, unlike the ties mentioned earlier, can you not buy kit directly from the school?
Lost Property
"you wouldn't believe of the amount of PE kit which is left", "a lot of the kit we find is not named and so it usually ends up in the spare kit box"
So lots of PE kit left, and an increasing number of students with incomplete kit? Surely I'm not the only one to spot some obvious correlation between the two, am I? And lots of spare kit must be a good thing for those with incomplete kit anyway, so what's so bad about it?
Little Shop Of Horrors
"congratulations and very well done", "an outstanding success", "now in the process of planning our musical drama for 2009", "three summer variety shows"
Yes, well done to the actors and singers and back-stage crew. Yet I see no mention of the blown budget anywhere - how odd! Then, slyly, a plug for the upcoming variety shows - clever! Hopefully they'll show case lots of different talent, not just the usual singing and dancing numbers. As for next year's production, it's likely to be We Will Rock You, but make your (non-Disney) opinion "heard" with that sidebar poll. I'm secretly hoping for Spamalot.
Easter School - 2nd-4th April 2008
"once again running Easter School", "an opportunity for Year 11", "important time", "kick start their revision"
Easter's a holiday, right? School is a non-holiday thing. If you haven't spotted the gigantic problem here, please leave. Apparently revision needs to be done in-school, or it won't work.
Btec Fire Service Course
"six of our Year 10 students following the...course took part in a demonstration"
This is brilliant news! When we next have a fire alarm for real (perhaps when the builders discover fire?) we need not call the fire service!
Higher Education Fair
"Year 12 students who intend going to University should attend", "more information will follow"
It costs a fiver and might help you decide your non-TMHS education options. Go for it!
Sixth Form Ball
"reservations are being taken now"
Hurrah! "Sixth" as a word.
Gifted & Talented Activities in Technology
"Year 7 had two hours to design and make Blackpool Tower", "Year 8 had to design a bridge", "Year 9 designed swings", "we didn't win"
Hasn't Blackpool Tower already been made? Also, commiserations for not winning.
While it is the holidays now - until April 7th - keep checking back on the blog (or subscribe to the RSS feed), we might be posting some stuff.
Update: As of 23rd March, the newsletter still isn't available on the official website. Have they lapsed into their old ways of not updating?
Spring Term
"fantastically successful spring term", "Little Shop of Horrors was an outstanding success", "our passion for Science", "witness to the horrors of genocide", "we [should] regularly check our sons' and daughters' phones", "new building is slowly taking form"
A successful term? At Temple Moor? That's right - an over-budget show (albeit a good one), kids getting caught with drugs, the awful PD Shop, destruction of parking facilities...it's your average amazing term. Education about genocide, however, is a good thing, one which we can't fault. But the main outcry now is the suggestion that parents should snoop around kids' phones looking for "inappropriate images and video footage" - invasion of privacy, much?
Key Dates
"extra staff development day"
Four magic words right there.
Uniform
"we pride ourselves on our standards", "it is often commented upon", "new house tie at the cost of £3.50"
No hoodies, patterned tights or too much make up. Seems sensible enough. About these ties, though. If, last year, you got one of the ties, chances are you'll end up paying for one of this year's ties, which look rubbish in comparison.
Attendance
"a high priority", "a series of Deal Or No Deal assemblies", "£25 being award to one lucky student in each year group", "Deal Or No Deal will return", "research suggests that students with...17 missed days of schooling...will drop one full GCSE grade"
Attendance might be a high priority, but Deal Or No Deal shouldn't. Plus they're bringing those cringe-inducing assemblies back at some point, which should provide laughs all round. And this research - well, what can you say? 17 days off is a grade drop. But then again, you can distort statistics any way you like.
Year 11 Examination Information For Parents
"ensure your child is in full school uniform", "students can bring water into the exam"
Basically, this is a list of stuff you already knew - you must wear uniform, and you can bring in water being just two points.
Aim Higher
"Richard McCann, an established author (Just a Boy) gave a motivational presentation"
I'm confused - did Mr McCann write a book called Just A Boy or is he an author who is just a boy?
Auschwitz Holocaust Visit
"two of our 6th formers", "visit Auschwitz as part of the Lessons Learned from Auschwitz project", "will be featuring in further assemblies and an anti-bullying project"
As we've said, teaching about genocide is a good idea. However, saying "6th" instead of "sixth" looks a bit unprofessional - that's twice it's appeared in this newsletter.
Holocaust Survivor
"Mr Eugene Black...is a Holocaust survivor", "just 12...when he was taken to Auschwitz", "a very moving talk"
Again, a good thing.
Passport to University
"some of our Year 7 students will be visiting Leeds Metropolitan University"
Uhm...I can't think of anything to say about this. At all. Go Year 7?
Year 10 Stock Market Challenge
"group of our Year 10 Business Studies students took part in the inter-school stock market challenge", "used quick thinking decision making and enterprise skills", "achieved 2nd place"
We broke this news ages ago. Well done to them, anyway.
National Science & Engineering Week
"a great success", "Marty Jopson amazed us", "we strive to promote a passion for Science in all students"
I wasn't even aware of this special, themed week. But apparently the school's done lots of Sciencey stuff - they probably have to or they'll get their Science College status taken off them. More on Marty Jopson here.
Leeds book awards
"a mixture of fifteen students", "reading six short listed books", "students will vote", "check out the website"
So some kids went somewhere, read some books that might win Leeds Book Award and will vote. Plus you can find more details at www.leedsbookawards.co.uk - not a bad deal, eh?
Storyteller
"Christine McMahon excited and entranced Year 7", "students were transfixed", "each group...encouraged to make up their own story", "now a competition"
Stories were read, then written. A winner will be chosen by some mysterious selection process, with the possibility of a prize, but don't bet on it!
Year 7 Football Team
"reaching the last sixteen in the English Schools FA Cup", "semi-finals of the Leeds School Cup"
Seems like they're doing quite well, doesn't it? With no mention of any other teams, are they the only ones? Anyway, congratulations for representing your school better than it does itself.
ContinYou
"despite the building works", "Tchoukball Club", "very successful"
"ContinYou" is a pun that, if we're fair, needs to blasted with atomic weapons. Readers - is Tchoukball any good, at all? Email or comment, please.
PE Kit
"part of school uniform", "an increasing number of students who have incomplete PE kit", "they will be issued with a negative comment"
It seems like sensible action - if you're missing some kit, you'll get a comment. Presumably an organisational one. But why, unlike the ties mentioned earlier, can you not buy kit directly from the school?
Lost Property
"you wouldn't believe of the amount of PE kit which is left", "a lot of the kit we find is not named and so it usually ends up in the spare kit box"
So lots of PE kit left, and an increasing number of students with incomplete kit? Surely I'm not the only one to spot some obvious correlation between the two, am I? And lots of spare kit must be a good thing for those with incomplete kit anyway, so what's so bad about it?
Little Shop Of Horrors
"congratulations and very well done", "an outstanding success", "now in the process of planning our musical drama for 2009", "three summer variety shows"
Yes, well done to the actors and singers and back-stage crew. Yet I see no mention of the blown budget anywhere - how odd! Then, slyly, a plug for the upcoming variety shows - clever! Hopefully they'll show case lots of different talent, not just the usual singing and dancing numbers. As for next year's production, it's likely to be We Will Rock You, but make your (non-Disney) opinion "heard" with that sidebar poll. I'm secretly hoping for Spamalot.
Easter School - 2nd-4th April 2008
"once again running Easter School", "an opportunity for Year 11", "important time", "kick start their revision"
Easter's a holiday, right? School is a non-holiday thing. If you haven't spotted the gigantic problem here, please leave. Apparently revision needs to be done in-school, or it won't work.
Btec Fire Service Course
"six of our Year 10 students following the...course took part in a demonstration"
This is brilliant news! When we next have a fire alarm for real (perhaps when the builders discover fire?) we need not call the fire service!
Higher Education Fair
"Year 12 students who intend going to University should attend", "more information will follow"
It costs a fiver and might help you decide your non-TMHS education options. Go for it!
Sixth Form Ball
"reservations are being taken now"
Hurrah! "Sixth" as a word.
Gifted & Talented Activities in Technology
"Year 7 had two hours to design and make Blackpool Tower", "Year 8 had to design a bridge", "Year 9 designed swings", "we didn't win"
Hasn't Blackpool Tower already been made? Also, commiserations for not winning.
While it is the holidays now - until April 7th - keep checking back on the blog (or subscribe to the RSS feed), we might be posting some stuff.
Update: As of 23rd March, the newsletter still isn't available on the official website. Have they lapsed into their old ways of not updating?
Tuesday, 19 February 2008
Turn up the Tempo
Only two days into the term and the school has unleashed its latest publication of the school magazine "Tempo".
This month edition boasts a front cover showing how brave templars are being made to slave away in the kitchen coming up with new ideas for school meals, however to me it would seem more like they're promoting international vegetarianism by the looks of the garden products on the table. I'm sure the current message on eating healthily is that you should be having a "balanced diet", but to the school this means that you are only allowed either vegetables or fruit. Also, it appears like they're trying to describe what they're making as fast food, "fast food wins fab four house points" is this some sort of joke or play on words, cause I don't really think wit is their strong point.
Turn the page and what does catch my attention is that of an article titled The Big Conversation, it describes recently how a group of year 9's made a video (complete with kaiser chief theme tune) for an entry into a national competition called (surprisingly) The Big Conversation. Well first congrats to the templars involved for being ranked in the top ten in the country...however, i must say the topic of your video was maybe slightly out of date. After all slavery was abolished a fair old while ago now.
Over the page once more and I find what i thought was some sort of bad art project printed in one of the articles, but no it is instead the London 2012 Olympic logo. The article (titled Young Ambassadors) details how two templars are helping to promote the Olympics. sport and healthy living, yeah cause the Olympics encourages healthy living. Many have already suffered epileptic fits from seeing the animated logo and there is no don't that countless athletes with be taking the customary performance enhancing drugs. Very healthy indeed.
One thing I do notice about pages 4 and 5 is that it seems the writers of tempo have adopted a policy of use alliteration and it makes you seem ten times smarter. Well that's not the case but there are some beauties in this issue such as, "Summer Sports Success" (unlucky for those with a lisp), "Street Smarts" (again with the S), "Trying for a Trophy" (not quite as impressive as the others as only the first and last words begin with T but a good attempt) and finally my personal favourite "Fast Food From Fab Four" now that really is almighty audacious alliterative accidence.
Now, a few little mentions now just to finish off with:
This month edition boasts a front cover showing how brave templars are being made to slave away in the kitchen coming up with new ideas for school meals, however to me it would seem more like they're promoting international vegetarianism by the looks of the garden products on the table. I'm sure the current message on eating healthily is that you should be having a "balanced diet", but to the school this means that you are only allowed either vegetables or fruit. Also, it appears like they're trying to describe what they're making as fast food, "fast food wins fab four house points" is this some sort of joke or play on words, cause I don't really think wit is their strong point.
Turn the page and what does catch my attention is that of an article titled The Big Conversation, it describes recently how a group of year 9's made a video (complete with kaiser chief theme tune) for an entry into a national competition called (surprisingly) The Big Conversation. Well first congrats to the templars involved for being ranked in the top ten in the country...however, i must say the topic of your video was maybe slightly out of date. After all slavery was abolished a fair old while ago now.
Over the page once more and I find what i thought was some sort of bad art project printed in one of the articles, but no it is instead the London 2012 Olympic logo. The article (titled Young Ambassadors) details how two templars are helping to promote the Olympics. sport and healthy living, yeah cause the Olympics encourages healthy living. Many have already suffered epileptic fits from seeing the animated logo and there is no don't that countless athletes with be taking the customary performance enhancing drugs. Very healthy indeed.
One thing I do notice about pages 4 and 5 is that it seems the writers of tempo have adopted a policy of use alliteration and it makes you seem ten times smarter. Well that's not the case but there are some beauties in this issue such as, "Summer Sports Success" (unlucky for those with a lisp), "Street Smarts" (again with the S), "Trying for a Trophy" (not quite as impressive as the others as only the first and last words begin with T but a good attempt) and finally my personal favourite "Fast Food From Fab Four" now that really is almighty audacious alliterative accidence.
Now, a few little mentions now just to finish off with:
- On page 6 it would appear the staff are improving their bilingual skills with such headlines as “Toulouse: Le Trek”
- On page 7 it would appear that one poor templar has had to write an article about there self, although they do try and cover this up by speaking in third person, but I’m afraid there name was printed at the bottom of the article, unlucky.
- On page 8 it mentions how the soul singers are now going out of school to do small shows. So now the school has resorted to busking in the streets to try and raise funds, for shame.
Wednesday, 23 January 2008
January Newsletter
Is the latest newsletter any better than the previous ones? Don't be silly. As ever, our version accompanies the headline and quotes from the original.
Spring Term
"a successful 2008", "we hope to take ownership of our new Science, Technology and Sports facilities", "photographs, video images, visits and briefings", "my thanks to all of you", "move from red to amber to green"
We should take ownership of all the new building - it's supposed to be complete in December. Good news: you won't just have to rely on us for BSF news. They'll be showing you pictures, videos and other stuff. All we're saying is don't hold your breath. And sneakily, Fleetwood managed to shoehorn in some RAG reference.
Positive Discipline (PD) Update
"the detention list will be on display in the Social Area", "students' responsibility", "fail to attend...carried forward"
This is a disaster waiting to happen. You should never entrust students to check when it's their turn to be punished - it's stupid!
Communication With Temple Moor
"always available", "make an appointment"
In short, don't come barging in and demand to speak with some teacher who's given your child low grades. Make an appointment.
Changes To Student Personal Information
"let us know...of any changes to...address, telephone numbers...", "amended on the school database"
New phone number? Tell us! So hackers into our WEP network can steal up-to-date information.
Lost Property
"we have accrued a large amount", "displayed during break", "much easier to find owners...if...all their belongings [were] marked clearly"
Stuff + name label = less loss. It's not a difficult concept, and I'm surprised at few people label stuff.
Year 11 RAG Levels
"New RAG", "current grades and target grades"
RAG isn't new. You've pinched the idea off traffic lights, which have been around since 1868 (says Wikipedia). And you've neglected to mention how fundamentally flawed RAG analysis is, its shortcomings and its idiocy. Don't worry, you can expect a fairly long essay on the error of RAG soon.
February Half Term Coursework Ace Days
"chance for students to complete...coursework"
Look, if you have to come into school during half term, you are not a coursework "ace". So stop the pathetic euphemisms, OK?
Year 11 Prom
"This will take place on 2nd May"
Quick, hire your tux/buy your dress and get a limo.
Easter School
"an excellent opportunity", "teacher-led revision"
It's school...in the Easter holidays. 'Nuf said.
Reminder To All Year 11 Students
"coursework deadlines...now approaching", "can all parents...encourage their son/daughter"
That's right, because if your child didn't hate you sending them to a school where you're attacked by chlorine, then make sure they will despise you for making sure they do all their coursework.
Attendance
"important for all students" "falling below...[95%]...due to illness or holidays", "17 days absence...can equate to a drop in a GCSE grade"
The school's attendance is bad, so please come in every day. If not, you'll drop grades. Oh, and stop being ill - because it's obviously your fault.
Attendance Target Week
"all 100% attendance during this week will be rewarded", "Deal or No Deal draw to be held"
The draw will be nothing like Deal Or No Deal, I can pretty much guarantee that. We can't afford Noel Edmonds, and they're not going to pick one child to play Deal Or No Deal. We'll give a full report on this when it happens.
Year 10 Guidance
"a workshop run by the Refugee Council", "plight of refugees"
Year 10 are learning about refugees. Aren't they lucky?
National Science & Engineering Week
"light - you can't feel it, taste it, hear it or touch it - but you can see it", "Dr Marty Jopson (the mad professor)"
Actually, you can't see light. You can see what it reflects off. If we could see light, it would a fog constantly in front of your eyes. As for this Marty Jopson, he sounds mad, but does he have a Flux Capacitor? I doubt it.
Little Shop Of Horrors
"next production is almost upon us", "working hard since October", "based on an old...B-movie", "man eating plant from outer space", "funniest, most original and entertaining musical productions of recent years", "£7.00 for adults and £5.00 for children"
We wish all the students involved the best of luck. But, saying that, it's always funny when someone forgets their lines, the set falls over and the baby in the audience cries. So it's worth going for a laugh. Bit on the expensive side, however...
National Year Of Reading
"2008 has been designated...as the National Year of Reading", "plenty of new books", "celebrate words in every form!"
Another government attempt to get every child to read. Will this fail like the others? TT bets yes.
Go Forth Garforth!
"ten members of Year 10 and Year 9 are now published poets", "poetry on the theme of "identity" ", "published in the Go Forth Garforth anthology"
What a terrible pun. Well done to the lucky winners, however.
Reading Matters
"Year 12 students are taking part in a reading mentor scheme", "how to bring reading alive", "matched with a younger student who they work with on a weekly basis", "feedback has been positive"
Fine. OK. We get it. We need to read. What else are they going to do? Free sex whenever you take a book out of the library? (Note to teachers who read the blog: this one might actually work)
Poetry Live
"the annual Poetry Live event", "listen to readings from many of the poets they study"
This is quite good: talk to the poets about what it actually means. A rare insight. Might push up your grade by a couple of marks.
Pink Pig Week
"PD shop will be open", "redeem the Pink Pigs"
Essentially, every fifty credits gets you a large stamp, which happens to be a pig. It looks more red than pink, but the real question is: what the sodding hell do pigs have to do with the PD shop? Whose plan was pigs? Perhaps it's a throwback to some medieval currency: twelve pigs buys you a cow.
Formula 1 Club Expands Into Radio Controlled Cars
"F1 club is expanding", "design and make radio controlled cars", "national finals at Silverstone race circuit", "we need to find sponsorship"
This is a just a plea for sponsors. But, as pleas go, it's a fairly good one. Help the children! We're not sponsoring them, by the way.
Another newsletter out of the way.
Spring Term
"a successful 2008", "we hope to take ownership of our new Science, Technology and Sports facilities", "photographs, video images, visits and briefings", "my thanks to all of you", "move from red to amber to green"
We should take ownership of all the new building - it's supposed to be complete in December. Good news: you won't just have to rely on us for BSF news. They'll be showing you pictures, videos and other stuff. All we're saying is don't hold your breath. And sneakily, Fleetwood managed to shoehorn in some RAG reference.
Positive Discipline (PD) Update
"the detention list will be on display in the Social Area", "students' responsibility", "fail to attend...carried forward"
This is a disaster waiting to happen. You should never entrust students to check when it's their turn to be punished - it's stupid!
Communication With Temple Moor
"always available", "make an appointment"
In short, don't come barging in and demand to speak with some teacher who's given your child low grades. Make an appointment.
Changes To Student Personal Information
"let us know...of any changes to...address, telephone numbers...", "amended on the school database"
New phone number? Tell us! So hackers into our WEP network can steal up-to-date information.
Lost Property
"we have accrued a large amount", "displayed during break", "much easier to find owners...if...all their belongings [were] marked clearly"
Stuff + name label = less loss. It's not a difficult concept, and I'm surprised at few people label stuff.
Year 11 RAG Levels
"New RAG", "current grades and target grades"
RAG isn't new. You've pinched the idea off traffic lights, which have been around since 1868 (says Wikipedia). And you've neglected to mention how fundamentally flawed RAG analysis is, its shortcomings and its idiocy. Don't worry, you can expect a fairly long essay on the error of RAG soon.
February Half Term Coursework Ace Days
"chance for students to complete...coursework"
Look, if you have to come into school during half term, you are not a coursework "ace". So stop the pathetic euphemisms, OK?
Year 11 Prom
"This will take place on 2nd May"
Quick, hire your tux/buy your dress and get a limo.
Easter School
"an excellent opportunity", "teacher-led revision"
It's school...in the Easter holidays. 'Nuf said.
Reminder To All Year 11 Students
"coursework deadlines...now approaching", "can all parents...encourage their son/daughter"
That's right, because if your child didn't hate you sending them to a school where you're attacked by chlorine, then make sure they will despise you for making sure they do all their coursework.
Attendance
"important for all students" "falling below...[95%]...due to illness or holidays", "17 days absence...can equate to a drop in a GCSE grade"
The school's attendance is bad, so please come in every day. If not, you'll drop grades. Oh, and stop being ill - because it's obviously your fault.
Attendance Target Week
"all 100% attendance during this week will be rewarded", "Deal or No Deal draw to be held"
The draw will be nothing like Deal Or No Deal, I can pretty much guarantee that. We can't afford Noel Edmonds, and they're not going to pick one child to play Deal Or No Deal. We'll give a full report on this when it happens.
Year 10 Guidance
"a workshop run by the Refugee Council", "plight of refugees"
Year 10 are learning about refugees. Aren't they lucky?
National Science & Engineering Week
"light - you can't feel it, taste it, hear it or touch it - but you can see it", "Dr Marty Jopson (the mad professor)"
Actually, you can't see light. You can see what it reflects off. If we could see light, it would a fog constantly in front of your eyes. As for this Marty Jopson, he sounds mad, but does he have a Flux Capacitor? I doubt it.
Little Shop Of Horrors
"next production is almost upon us", "working hard since October", "based on an old...B-movie", "man eating plant from outer space", "funniest, most original and entertaining musical productions of recent years", "£7.00 for adults and £5.00 for children"
We wish all the students involved the best of luck. But, saying that, it's always funny when someone forgets their lines, the set falls over and the baby in the audience cries. So it's worth going for a laugh. Bit on the expensive side, however...
National Year Of Reading
"2008 has been designated...as the National Year of Reading", "plenty of new books", "celebrate words in every form!"
Another government attempt to get every child to read. Will this fail like the others? TT bets yes.
Go Forth Garforth!
"ten members of Year 10 and Year 9 are now published poets", "poetry on the theme of "identity" ", "published in the Go Forth Garforth anthology"
What a terrible pun. Well done to the lucky winners, however.
Reading Matters
"Year 12 students are taking part in a reading mentor scheme", "how to bring reading alive", "matched with a younger student who they work with on a weekly basis", "feedback has been positive"
Fine. OK. We get it. We need to read. What else are they going to do? Free sex whenever you take a book out of the library? (Note to teachers who read the blog: this one might actually work)
Poetry Live
"the annual Poetry Live event", "listen to readings from many of the poets they study"
This is quite good: talk to the poets about what it actually means. A rare insight. Might push up your grade by a couple of marks.
Pink Pig Week
"PD shop will be open", "redeem the Pink Pigs"
Essentially, every fifty credits gets you a large stamp, which happens to be a pig. It looks more red than pink, but the real question is: what the sodding hell do pigs have to do with the PD shop? Whose plan was pigs? Perhaps it's a throwback to some medieval currency: twelve pigs buys you a cow.
Formula 1 Club Expands Into Radio Controlled Cars
"F1 club is expanding", "design and make radio controlled cars", "national finals at Silverstone race circuit", "we need to find sponsorship"
This is a just a plea for sponsors. But, as pleas go, it's a fairly good one. Help the children! We're not sponsoring them, by the way.
Another newsletter out of the way.
Saturday, 19 January 2008
Growing. Fast.
Nothing fancy or of particular importance, just a little note as to how fast our blog is growing. Your, well, only source for any school news whatsoever, has grown in popularity in our 4-5 months of existance. Starting with - quite obviously - no readers, we now have a large base, and are also recieving a fair ammount of email. Much of it positive, including contributions from guest writers, some of it negative (written by people with no sense of grammar, and a penchant for wasting their time writing to complain instead of doing something constructive - i.e. anything other than writing to a blog simply to express their disinterest), and some of it, quite interestingly, from school staff. Which proves that we really are your number #1 source for TMHS related news.
Monday, 10 December 2007
Newsletter V Us
With very little news and lots of letters, what has the latest newsletter got to say? You could check out the PDF, or read the Templar Truths condensed version, complete with what we'd say.
Autumn Term
"beginning to see the new school take shape", "learning to share the reduced space", "setting and maintaining Standards", "Standards Assemblies", "world class students"
The builders are getting somewhere at last. But behaviour's going down the pan, so the school is forcing yet more assemblies upon us. And they're deluded about the quality of Templars.
Holidays
"Staff development day", "Christmas", "closed at 2:00PM on Friday 21"
They're letting us leave when? The 21st? That's just four days before Christmas. Is this legal?
Communication With Temple Moor
"always available to speak with you", "ring to make an appointment", "contact numbers:"
Apparently, the school has an email address. Who knew? Actually, several Nigerian bankers...
Wild In The Woods
"project at Skelton Grange Environment Centre", "wonder and adventure", "pond dipping", "students have used sticks, string and elastic bands to make their own sculptures"
A desperate attempt to get kids interested in nature, by making art on the cheap. And a snigger-inducing name to boot!
Lost Property
"accrued a large amount of lost property", "be much easier...all their belongings clearly marked"
The school's fed up of picking up dirty old jumpers - write your name in them, will you? What if you lose, say, a watch? How do you write your name in that, eh?
Year 11 Trial Exams
"begin week commencing..."
Great...but most Year 11s only got this newsletter after the exams. Smart.
Travel And Tourism
"organised a visit to London", "world famous 'Madame Tussauds' "
Look, they've put Madame Tussards in quote marks...perhaps it wasn't the real Madame Tussards, but just some Travel & Tourism students standing really still.
After Hours
"sessions have recommenced", "catch up on any coursework", "complete homework"
You can do homework at school. Defeats the point, though, don't you think?
Attendance
"this half term parents will have received letters", "raising the awareness of attendance"
Basically, school's attendance is bad. What can improve it? Only RAG, clearly...
NER Engineers Forum
"attended a lecture", "building a human bridge", "a fantastic success", "children were well involved...well behaved"
School took some kids to participate in a fun day out. No-one died, did any killing or anything bad. Hmm...sure they were TMHS kids?
Homework Club
"running well again this year", "get on with their homework"
Has After Hours (above) got a rival? This is the most boring rivalry ever. Hands down.
RE Gifted and Talented Conference
"a Philosophy & Ethics conference", "range of discussions", "where is God?", "nihilism", "problem of evil", " 'it opened up my mind' "
It's a good job they talked about nihilism. In a conference like this, I'd be fairly nihilistic!
"Coca Cola Challenge"
"helping Coca Cola produce their range of drinks in a more environmentally friendly way", "we didn't get through to the next round"
When it comes to Templars trying to be eco-friendly, they fail. Maybe because their school sets an example like Hitler at a Pro-Semitism Conference.
Performance
"samba band (TEMPOAGOGO)", "Soul Singers continue to grow", "successful performance", "rehearsals...underway...for Little Shop of Horrors"
Little Shop has plenty of potential to be a good performance, if the acting and singing is up to scratch. But pray it's better the samba band's name - TEMPOAGOGO. Yes, it must always be written in capitals.
Temple Moor Award Winners!
"International Development work rewarded by receiving a prestigious government award", "work to promote awareness of the wider world"
There's an oxymoron.
Great Gifts Campaign 2007
"helping less fortunate families overseas", "gifts from the World Vision alternative gift catalogue", "mosquito nets", "a myriad of goats"
Let's forget those less fortunate families who live in the UK for a moment. You know what happens when you send goats (especially a "myriad", of which one definition is "ten thousand")? These poor, starving families need to feed the goats. Where will they get that food? Think these gifts through, please.
Free Books for Year 7
"lucky enough to receive a free reading book", "a list of twelve titles"
Free books? If anyone knows what they were, please email or leave comments. Because free books doesn't usually inspire quality, does it?
Design Faculty Clubs
"Art Club", "Food Club", "Drop In Art Club", "Textiles Catch Up Club", "Resistant Materials Catch Up Club"
Plenty of choice - and you'll need to choose, some occur at the same time on the same day. Clever, huh?
New Building Progress
"first phase...well underway", "design block", "Science, ICT suites and dining area", "sports hall extension", "an indoor 'street' lined with lockers", "planned to be complete by December 2008"
Well it's all very exciting and we can't wait to see how good/awful the new building will be as a learning environment. But December 2008? Are they sure they can do all that's left in just one year? I know they're hopelessly optimistic, but someone's been feeding the school happy pills. Good news: chlorine levels down 100%.
Year 7 Induction Days
"team building games", "tug of war"
After stupid games and a tug-of-war match, they've still decided Temple Moor is the place to be.
Cook-Off Competition
"very popular house competition", "submit their own 'healthy' recipe"
Don't use quote marks! 'Healthy' means it isn't. Fools!
BTEC Sports Course Kicks Off at Temple Moor
"introduction of the BTEC sports and Exercise qualification", "in-school placements", "equivalent of 4 GCSEs"
Kids are learning to be teachers. This is going to be a never-ending circle, isn't it?
Lower School Dance Club
"growing and growing", "dance performance of Fame"
It's dancing. What more can we say?
Sports Coats for Sale
"students are now able to purchase rain jackets", "new Temple Moor PE and Sport logo", "cost £25"
What are these things? Two words: Fleetwood's Macs.
Autumn Term
"beginning to see the new school take shape", "learning to share the reduced space", "setting and maintaining Standards", "Standards Assemblies", "world class students"
The builders are getting somewhere at last. But behaviour's going down the pan, so the school is forcing yet more assemblies upon us. And they're deluded about the quality of Templars.
Holidays
"Staff development day", "Christmas", "closed at 2:00PM on Friday 21"
They're letting us leave when? The 21st? That's just four days before Christmas. Is this legal?
Communication With Temple Moor
"always available to speak with you", "ring to make an appointment", "contact numbers:"
Apparently, the school has an email address. Who knew? Actually, several Nigerian bankers...
Wild In The Woods
"project at Skelton Grange Environment Centre", "wonder and adventure", "pond dipping", "students have used sticks, string and elastic bands to make their own sculptures"
A desperate attempt to get kids interested in nature, by making art on the cheap. And a snigger-inducing name to boot!
Lost Property
"accrued a large amount of lost property", "be much easier...all their belongings clearly marked"
The school's fed up of picking up dirty old jumpers - write your name in them, will you? What if you lose, say, a watch? How do you write your name in that, eh?
Year 11 Trial Exams
"begin week commencing..."
Great...but most Year 11s only got this newsletter after the exams. Smart.
Travel And Tourism
"organised a visit to London", "world famous 'Madame Tussauds' "
Look, they've put Madame Tussards in quote marks...perhaps it wasn't the real Madame Tussards, but just some Travel & Tourism students standing really still.
After Hours
"sessions have recommenced", "catch up on any coursework", "complete homework"
You can do homework at school. Defeats the point, though, don't you think?
Attendance
"this half term parents will have received letters", "raising the awareness of attendance"
Basically, school's attendance is bad. What can improve it? Only RAG, clearly...
NER Engineers Forum
"attended a lecture", "building a human bridge", "a fantastic success", "children were well involved...well behaved"
School took some kids to participate in a fun day out. No-one died, did any killing or anything bad. Hmm...sure they were TMHS kids?
Homework Club
"running well again this year", "get on with their homework"
Has After Hours (above) got a rival? This is the most boring rivalry ever. Hands down.
RE Gifted and Talented Conference
"a Philosophy & Ethics conference", "range of discussions", "where is God?", "nihilism", "problem of evil", " 'it opened up my mind' "
It's a good job they talked about nihilism. In a conference like this, I'd be fairly nihilistic!
"Coca Cola Challenge"
"helping Coca Cola produce their range of drinks in a more environmentally friendly way", "we didn't get through to the next round"
When it comes to Templars trying to be eco-friendly, they fail. Maybe because their school sets an example like Hitler at a Pro-Semitism Conference.
Performance
"samba band (TEMPOAGOGO)", "Soul Singers continue to grow", "successful performance", "rehearsals...underway...for Little Shop of Horrors"
Little Shop has plenty of potential to be a good performance, if the acting and singing is up to scratch. But pray it's better the samba band's name - TEMPOAGOGO. Yes, it must always be written in capitals.
Temple Moor Award Winners!
"International Development work rewarded by receiving a prestigious government award", "work to promote awareness of the wider world"
There's an oxymoron.
Great Gifts Campaign 2007
"helping less fortunate families overseas", "gifts from the World Vision alternative gift catalogue", "mosquito nets", "a myriad of goats"
Let's forget those less fortunate families who live in the UK for a moment. You know what happens when you send goats (especially a "myriad", of which one definition is "ten thousand")? These poor, starving families need to feed the goats. Where will they get that food? Think these gifts through, please.
Free Books for Year 7
"lucky enough to receive a free reading book", "a list of twelve titles"
Free books? If anyone knows what they were, please email or leave comments. Because free books doesn't usually inspire quality, does it?
Design Faculty Clubs
"Art Club", "Food Club", "Drop In Art Club", "Textiles Catch Up Club", "Resistant Materials Catch Up Club"
Plenty of choice - and you'll need to choose, some occur at the same time on the same day. Clever, huh?
New Building Progress
"first phase...well underway", "design block", "Science, ICT suites and dining area", "sports hall extension", "an indoor 'street' lined with lockers", "planned to be complete by December 2008"
Well it's all very exciting and we can't wait to see how good/awful the new building will be as a learning environment. But December 2008? Are they sure they can do all that's left in just one year? I know they're hopelessly optimistic, but someone's been feeding the school happy pills. Good news: chlorine levels down 100%.
Year 7 Induction Days
"team building games", "tug of war"
After stupid games and a tug-of-war match, they've still decided Temple Moor is the place to be.
Cook-Off Competition
"very popular house competition", "submit their own 'healthy' recipe"
Don't use quote marks! 'Healthy' means it isn't. Fools!
BTEC Sports Course Kicks Off at Temple Moor
"introduction of the BTEC sports and Exercise qualification", "in-school placements", "equivalent of 4 GCSEs"
Kids are learning to be teachers. This is going to be a never-ending circle, isn't it?
Lower School Dance Club
"growing and growing", "dance performance of Fame"
It's dancing. What more can we say?
Sports Coats for Sale
"students are now able to purchase rain jackets", "new Temple Moor PE and Sport logo", "cost £25"
What are these things? Two words: Fleetwood's Macs.
Tuesday, 25 September 2007
Latest Newsletter
The latest newsletter is out, and it doesn't even mention the Great Kitchen Disaster. But then, we were expecting this sort of cover-up. Anyway, here's the Templar Truths take on the newsletter; with headlines in bold, TMHS text in italics and our take on things in normal text.
Welcome Back "an exciting year", "results were once again excellent", "attendance rate is currently below the national average", "steel work has been erected over the summer", "action packed term ahead" The new year will be disrupted by building a lot, but well done to everyone who bothered turning up for their exams. This year will be more mundane than ever before, because 2007-08 will lack gas attacks.
School Calendar "...lots of dates..." Not enough days off, though Easter lasts 19 March till 7 April, which is ages.
Development Days "school will be closed", "...four dates..." Staff are too incompetent, so they'll be replaced by monkeys slowly over the course of the year - a quarter on each of these dates.
Best Ever Results for Temple Moor "best ever results", "5 A*-C", "average points score is up" Congratulations to everyone who worked hard, and aren't exams getting easier? Just kidding! Now the pressure's on everyone else to do well.
Open Evening "already looking forward to next year", "early closure" We at Templar Truths say everyone should go to put off parents.
Supporting Success "year 10 parents are invited", "opportunity to fully understand the expectations", "vital information" If your kid is in Year 10, come along and Temple Moor's full plan of academic torture will be described in detail.
Golden Bunsen "quality of all teams' solutions...extremely high", "well done", "hopefully we can win back the trophies" In a shock twist of events, Golden Bunsen saw Temple Moor fail.
Free Books for Year 7s "all Year 7 students will...receive a free reading book", "students have been choosing a book from a list of 12", "encourage reading" When I was in Year 7, do you know what I got? A New Testament (and psalms) from Gideons. They get a proper book, the gits.
Parental Survey Results "74%...felt...school was very good", "RE, Drama and Guidance...identified as areas for improvement" Parents are being conned into thinking school is good.
Year 8 French Trip "an action packed week", "enjoyed superb sights", "a Hawaiian themed disco" 41 youngsters enjoyed being in a foreign country, even though it was with school. And not one person died! Result!
Summer Sports Camp 2007 "despite poor weather", "growing in popularity", "all children...excelled themselves" Some kids decided it'd be fun to do extra PE in the rain and loved it. They didn't learn anything new, but they loved it.
Positive Discipline "has played a central role", "providing...high standards and success", "a few amendments", "PD shop", "negative comments have been sub-divided", "positively serve every child" The positive discipline system just won't go away. They've made a few changes this year which suck even more than the bad ideas before. Expect a full rant-fuelled post on the PD system soon, courtesy of me.
Lego League "taking up the challenge", "compete against other high schools", "we are convinced that we can achieve a high level of success" In a fury of self-delusion, Temple Moor thinks it can win something. As if.
Nell Bank "Year 12 students will be spending one day at Nell Bank", "outdoor activity", "emphasis on fun" Because year 12 students don't have to do PE, Temple Moor is making them do sporty things at the stupidly named Nell Bank.
Post 16 Education Evening "will take place on...November 7th", "new prospectus" The school's attempt to make sure you stay on for Sixth Form is happening in November. Be there!
National Book Week "first week of October", "the chance to write...short book review", "reviews will be entered into a school competition", "staff and students...able to meet...Nick Hornby", "Nick will be talking about his new novel for teenagers called Slam" The school's latest attempt to get kids reading, and they're promoting Nick Hornby's new book with the title Slam, a word supposed to appeal to its demographic.
The Learning Support Centre "currently studying students' attainment levels and conducting tests", "those...experiencing difficulties...may be placed on Success Maker" If kids are getting a bit thick, TMHS will put them in the euphemistically named "Success Maker" where they willbe lined up and shot take part in a computerised learning system.
That's all from the Autumn Term newsletter. As usual, it had several mistakes in it, but nothing too major. Apart from this quote:
Does that mean 112% participated in the survey? More likely is that's it's 17% of all the parents, but it's not made especially clear...
Welcome Back "an exciting year", "results were once again excellent", "attendance rate is currently below the national average", "steel work has been erected over the summer", "action packed term ahead" The new year will be disrupted by building a lot, but well done to everyone who bothered turning up for their exams. This year will be more mundane than ever before, because 2007-08 will lack gas attacks.
School Calendar "...lots of dates..." Not enough days off, though Easter lasts 19 March till 7 April, which is ages.
Development Days "school will be closed", "...four dates..." Staff are too incompetent, so they'll be replaced by monkeys slowly over the course of the year - a quarter on each of these dates.
Best Ever Results for Temple Moor "best ever results", "5 A*-C", "average points score is up" Congratulations to everyone who worked hard, and aren't exams getting easier? Just kidding! Now the pressure's on everyone else to do well.
Open Evening "already looking forward to next year", "early closure" We at Templar Truths say everyone should go to put off parents.
Supporting Success "year 10 parents are invited", "opportunity to fully understand the expectations", "vital information" If your kid is in Year 10, come along and Temple Moor's full plan of academic torture will be described in detail.
Golden Bunsen "quality of all teams' solutions...extremely high", "well done", "hopefully we can win back the trophies" In a shock twist of events, Golden Bunsen saw Temple Moor fail.
Free Books for Year 7s "all Year 7 students will...receive a free reading book", "students have been choosing a book from a list of 12", "encourage reading" When I was in Year 7, do you know what I got? A New Testament (and psalms) from Gideons. They get a proper book, the gits.
Parental Survey Results "74%...felt...school was very good", "RE, Drama and Guidance...identified as areas for improvement" Parents are being conned into thinking school is good.
Year 8 French Trip "an action packed week", "enjoyed superb sights", "a Hawaiian themed disco" 41 youngsters enjoyed being in a foreign country, even though it was with school. And not one person died! Result!
Summer Sports Camp 2007 "despite poor weather", "growing in popularity", "all children...excelled themselves" Some kids decided it'd be fun to do extra PE in the rain and loved it. They didn't learn anything new, but they loved it.
Positive Discipline "has played a central role", "providing...high standards and success", "a few amendments", "PD shop", "negative comments have been sub-divided", "positively serve every child" The positive discipline system just won't go away. They've made a few changes this year which suck even more than the bad ideas before. Expect a full rant-fuelled post on the PD system soon, courtesy of me.
Lego League "taking up the challenge", "compete against other high schools", "we are convinced that we can achieve a high level of success" In a fury of self-delusion, Temple Moor thinks it can win something. As if.
Nell Bank "Year 12 students will be spending one day at Nell Bank", "outdoor activity", "emphasis on fun" Because year 12 students don't have to do PE, Temple Moor is making them do sporty things at the stupidly named Nell Bank.
Post 16 Education Evening "will take place on...November 7th", "new prospectus" The school's attempt to make sure you stay on for Sixth Form is happening in November. Be there!
National Book Week "first week of October", "the chance to write...short book review", "reviews will be entered into a school competition", "staff and students...able to meet...Nick Hornby", "Nick will be talking about his new novel for teenagers called Slam" The school's latest attempt to get kids reading, and they're promoting Nick Hornby's new book with the title Slam, a word supposed to appeal to its demographic.
The Learning Support Centre "currently studying students' attainment levels and conducting tests", "those...experiencing difficulties...may be placed on Success Maker" If kids are getting a bit thick, TMHS will put them in the euphemistically named "Success Maker" where they will
That's all from the Autumn Term newsletter. As usual, it had several mistakes in it, but nothing too major. Apart from this quote:
95% of parents of Year 7 students felt that the school had lived up to expectations, and 17% said that the school had exceeded their expectations
Does that mean 112% participated in the survey? More likely is that's it's 17% of all the parents, but it's not made especially clear...
Friday, 7 September 2007
Newsletter V Us
Our motto is: we say what the newsletters don't. But do we? Let's take a look at the "latest" school newsletter from the website and analyse what Templar Truths would say. School quotes in italics, headlines bold, Templar text normal.
Examination Success: "another very good year", "delighted with outcomes for the students", "kept our reputation" Students, again, worked damned hard under extreme pressure to get good results, which the school are delighted about because it makes them look good.
New Titles For Staff: "have many more support staff", "Learning Managers, Learning Mentors, Pastoral Officers", "move away from headteacher to Principal", "because these senior roles may not be carried out by teachers" Giving everyone a fancy job title to make them feel important, coupled with Americanization and the destruction of tradition.
Principal Appointment: "Mr Sherriff will be leaving", "interviews will take place in October", "results in a highly competent person" Old headteacher leaving (not Principal, OK?) and we don't know who's going to replace him.
The Houses Arrive: "re-introduced House system", "Rigel, Capella, Vega or Sirius", "top buttons...must be fastened", "no excuse" Outdated house system revived with science edge to prove school is worthy of "science college" status, and then a lot of talk about how uniform needs to be correct.
Year 7 Induction Week: "a range of team building activities", "number of competitions and prizes" Effort to make everyone get along and not become troublemakers. Nice kids get chocolates, too.
Parental Survey Results: "value the excellent partnership", "very pleased with the information", "78%...felt that...school was very good", "92%...felt...school had lived up to expectations", "school discipline and...bullying as top priorities" "We've got statistics that make us look good! It's like evidence! But parents don't think we're good at stopping bullies." is what they mean.
An Introduction From Our New Deputy Principal: "really excited", "really impressed", "we can really build on the excellent results" New guy doesn't know what he's let himself in for, poor man. Really.
Key Dates: "Review evening", "celebrations", "school concert" Days to remember when the school wants to say it's brilliant. And charge you a quid or seven.
Parents' Voice: "everyone is welcome to attend", "allowing parents to comment", "opportunity to ask questions" They don't listen to kids, but parents might get a say in things.
Vacancy For Parent Governor: "vacancy", "term of office...having expired" Last governor's time is up and they don't want to return. Do you?
Success Maker: "some parents and carers may be informed that their child is being placed on Success Maker", "used by students experiencing some difficulties", "proved very successful in the past" "We've got a system where anyone who isn't doing as well as we want them to gets extra classes, whether they like it or not." they say, with added stupid euphemisim
Problem Phoning Home: "experiencing difficulties", "home number does not accept calls where the number is withheld" Your phones are rubbish and the school want to tell you stuff! Oh, and isn't their pop culture reference cool? Yeah, the school can reference a thirty-year-old film - they definitely are "down wid da kids".
Open Evening Early Closure: "we will be closing early", "must...be in full school uniform" Students rejoice at one less school hour, except those involved in open evening, and they must wear uniform or they'll be shot.
Holidays In Term Time: "young people...having their chances undermined", "can only authorise up to 10 days", "any periods over 10 days...recorded as 'parentally controlled truancy' " School wants everyone to stop going on holiday because they won't get good grades and that makes the school look bad.
Bright Light Warning: "member of staff reported...suffered damage to their eye", "bright light...from a very small key-ring 'LED' torch", "can cause serious damage", "don't let your child bring anything to school that they don't need for learning" Some idiot is damaging teachers' eyes, but never mind the threat to kids. Also, don't let kids bring in anything not for learning. Like packed lunches? Or uniform?
Catering Update: "new in-house catering", "adhering to new government nutritional guidelines" All the food is now healthy or tastes like cardboard. Or both.
Temple Moor High School - 50th Anniversary Celebrations: "a balloon race", "1950s style lessons", "memorabilia...on display" There will be a balloon race costing £1 per balloon which will be a shambles, the '50s style lessons won't involve the canes which they definitely should and there will be old relics to look at (but enough about the teachers...)
And Finally... "delighted with the positive start" No-one's been expelled yet, but it's only a matter of time.
Now, which is more informative and which hides behind praise and hyperbole? Which is a better read? Hmm...
Examination Success: "another very good year", "delighted with outcomes for the students", "kept our reputation" Students, again, worked damned hard under extreme pressure to get good results, which the school are delighted about because it makes them look good.
New Titles For Staff: "have many more support staff", "Learning Managers, Learning Mentors, Pastoral Officers", "move away from headteacher to Principal", "because these senior roles may not be carried out by teachers" Giving everyone a fancy job title to make them feel important, coupled with Americanization and the destruction of tradition.
Principal Appointment: "Mr Sherriff will be leaving", "interviews will take place in October", "results in a highly competent person" Old headteacher leaving (not Principal, OK?) and we don't know who's going to replace him.
The Houses Arrive: "re-introduced House system", "Rigel, Capella, Vega or Sirius", "top buttons...must be fastened", "no excuse" Outdated house system revived with science edge to prove school is worthy of "science college" status, and then a lot of talk about how uniform needs to be correct.
Year 7 Induction Week: "a range of team building activities", "number of competitions and prizes" Effort to make everyone get along and not become troublemakers. Nice kids get chocolates, too.
Parental Survey Results: "value the excellent partnership", "very pleased with the information", "78%...felt that...school was very good", "92%...felt...school had lived up to expectations", "school discipline and...bullying as top priorities" "We've got statistics that make us look good! It's like evidence! But parents don't think we're good at stopping bullies." is what they mean.
An Introduction From Our New Deputy Principal: "really excited", "really impressed", "we can really build on the excellent results" New guy doesn't know what he's let himself in for, poor man. Really.
Key Dates: "Review evening", "celebrations", "school concert" Days to remember when the school wants to say it's brilliant. And charge you a quid or seven.
Parents' Voice: "everyone is welcome to attend", "allowing parents to comment", "opportunity to ask questions" They don't listen to kids, but parents might get a say in things.
Vacancy For Parent Governor: "vacancy", "term of office...having expired" Last governor's time is up and they don't want to return. Do you?
Success Maker: "some parents and carers may be informed that their child is being placed on Success Maker", "used by students experiencing some difficulties", "proved very successful in the past" "We've got a system where anyone who isn't doing as well as we want them to gets extra classes, whether they like it or not." they say, with added stupid euphemisim
Problem Phoning Home: "experiencing difficulties", "home number does not accept calls where the number is withheld" Your phones are rubbish and the school want to tell you stuff! Oh, and isn't their pop culture reference cool? Yeah, the school can reference a thirty-year-old film - they definitely are "down wid da kids".
Open Evening Early Closure: "we will be closing early", "must...be in full school uniform" Students rejoice at one less school hour, except those involved in open evening, and they must wear uniform or they'll be shot.
Holidays In Term Time: "young people...having their chances undermined", "can only authorise up to 10 days", "any periods over 10 days...recorded as 'parentally controlled truancy' " School wants everyone to stop going on holiday because they won't get good grades and that makes the school look bad.
Bright Light Warning: "member of staff reported...suffered damage to their eye", "bright light...from a very small key-ring 'LED' torch", "can cause serious damage", "don't let your child bring anything to school that they don't need for learning" Some idiot is damaging teachers' eyes, but never mind the threat to kids. Also, don't let kids bring in anything not for learning. Like packed lunches? Or uniform?
Catering Update: "new in-house catering", "adhering to new government nutritional guidelines" All the food is now healthy or tastes like cardboard. Or both.
Temple Moor High School - 50th Anniversary Celebrations: "a balloon race", "1950s style lessons", "memorabilia...on display" There will be a balloon race costing £1 per balloon which will be a shambles, the '50s style lessons won't involve the canes which they definitely should and there will be old relics to look at (but enough about the teachers...)
And Finally... "delighted with the positive start" No-one's been expelled yet, but it's only a matter of time.
Now, which is more informative and which hides behind praise and hyperbole? Which is a better read? Hmm...
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