Trampette + ball = new sport

A source in Capella house revealed that in today's house assembly for Capella, one PE teacher spoke of a new sport. It's perfect for those turning up for after-school cricket, despite being nothing like cricket.

From what's been said, it involves some sort of ball, a trampette and some unlucky fools to play it. Oh, and it's Swedish. The teacher even say students wanting to know more should look for it on YouTube.

But he left us with no clues as to its spelling. "Chukeball"? No. "Chookboll"? Are you kidding? We were starting to doubt its existence. Through hefty research, we've found something that's probably what we're after. "Tchoukball". How anyone's supposed to find it with that random spelling is anyone's guess.

Anyhow, we've found some information about it.

an indoor team sport developed in the 1970s by Swiss biologist Dr. Hermann Brandt

Sounds thrill-a-minute. Here's what it's all about:

The sport is played on an indoor court measuring forty metres by twenty metres (130 feet x 65 feet). At each end there is a 'frame' (a device similar to a trampoline off which the ball bounces) which measures one square metre and a semi-circular 'D' measuring three metres (10 feet) out from the frame in all directions. Each team can score on both ends on the field, and comprises twelve players, of which nine may be on the court at any one time. In order to score a point, the ball must be thrown by an attacking player, hit the frame and bounce outside the 'D' without being caught by the defending team. Physical contact is prohibited, and defenders may not attempt to intercept the attacking team's passes. Players may take three steps with the ball, hold the ball for a maximum of three seconds, and teams may not pass the ball more than three times before shooting at the frame.

Condensed version: run around, throw a ball. Happy days! If that made no sense, this certainly won't:

If anyone plays it, do tell us.

PE Trip: What They Didn't Want You To Know

None of the Templar bloggers went on the PE trip, but we have an inside source who's decided to spill the beans on this disaster of a trip! The trip took place over the weekend, and was designed to let PE students have fun. However, it seems to have gone horribly wrong.

A certain pupil had his room "trashed" by the other pupils, and ended up being "bullied all weekend". Did the teachers step in and prevent this? Of course not, Temple Moor teachers never take any notice of anything, unless it involves chlorine. Or perhaps it's because teachers "were boozing" at night - in the presence of students, as well! Surely this isn't allowed? But it is: because the teachers make the rules.

Food is essential for exercise, it gives you energy to use. You'd think, then, that on a PE trip, food would be regarded highly. "Food was s***" said our inside source, reflecting the group consensus. And to add insult to injury, students had to make their own lunch. If you leave a group of teenagers to pick what they eat, chances are they won't choose a balanced meal full of what they need. A good diet is critical to PE, and it seems students have been robbed of it.

Our inside source said:

one of the climbing instructors kept telling a pupil to "check out his mate" and that he and his girlfriend "checked each other out on the rocks all the
time"

Is this really what the Temple Moor staff wants its students to be hearing from 'professionals'? It's doubtful.

Finally, the most shocking revelation of all: staying in the same "dirty rooms" were ex-convicts/young offenders. Not only did many children feel threatened in the presence of criminals, but dormitory doors had no locks - leaving them literally open to the ex-convicts, who could go in and steal pupils' belongings. How's that for safety?

Will the next newsletter or Tempo mention that pupils paid £130 for "dirty rooms and cramped space", along with all the other problems mentioned above? Hardly! Instead, you'll hear about how it was great for "team-building", "self-esteem" but above all, it was "fun". At least you know the truth.

"Footbawl"

This article, while going into cyberspace a bit late, is nevertheless, absolutely hilarious.

First let me give you some background information on this teacher:

• He speaks like a farmer
• He pronounces the word "Football" as "Footbawl"
• He doesn't know how to play rugby
  
• He is terminally stupid
  
• He has failed in life
  

The event in question happened on Wednesday last week, during a PE lesson with said PE teacher.

We were all changing in the sports hall changing room (funny place to change I know) and in comes this PE teacher. He then precedes to try to take the class register (a tedious if necessary event), but the results of this just happened to be too funny for words.

He spends about 10 minutes attempting to quiet us down (all the while being ridiculed by certain Templars for his infamous catchphrase of "Footbawl"), then he manages to get a moment of silence, so he precedes to start the register. No sooner has he started this than everyone starts laughing at him again.

In an attempt to regain control of us all (there was about 30-40 people in there) he tries reasoning. He says "Now I'm not going to try and start anything with you because most of you are twice my size." To which some legend cries out "DOWNSTAIRS!!". Manic laughter ensues.

After another 10 minutes of this (by this time we only had 25 minutes of the lesson left) he gets desperate. He starts to plead with us by saying "I get my recreation out of school, so I'm not bothered. We can sit here all day. I get my recreation out of school." to which another couple of legends start miming certain "actions" every time he said "I get my recreation outside school" (need i say more). Once again, hilarity ensued.

We finally managed to get out on to the "Footbawl" pitch with 15 minutes of the lesson left.

Mission Accomplished

PE teachers

Today the PE classes had their first experience of playing rugby in their PE session. However the hype they had seemed to prove too much with a certain member of staff. Halfway through the students match the teacher admitted of not knowing about the rules, this was fairly obvious as he was almost tackled on numerous occasions, and had to resort to asking one of the students about the scoring system. This proved to be very stressful to the students as the match was stopped several times just to see which side had the possession of the ball.