2 + 2 = 5

Next week is going to be "maths focus week". Now, if you remember uniform focus week, you'll remember that for every lesson we got a stamp, which lead to plenty of credits all round.

But - and many will be thankful for this - we don't have maths every lesson. So instead, every maths stamp (with its new pi design, a huge improvement on the previous cross) will actually be worth a credit. That's big credit opportunities, but does anyone care?

During the uniform week, people had tucked-in shirts, ties done up and the like. The week after - which was the start of a new term - no-one had carried over this habit. The bribes don't work. Regardless, the maths department is (presumably) hoping this will lead to some sort of mathematics revolution with all children embracing the problems of Pythagoras or the trick of trigonometry. I have a feel that nothing of the sort will happen.

Incidentally, one teacher said we should all search YouTube for "maths songs". Well, in the interests of our readership, I did. Here's one that came up called "I Hate Maths". Enjoy:

"Moor" on the web

Oh, yes, isn't that pun just hilarious? It's like "more on the web", but incorporating part of the school's name. Either way you look at it, it's certainly a lot cleverer than this:

Don't ask me what that's all about. But here's what the uploader said about it:

This were i fell off my bike at my mates i broke my wrist and my elbow and went flying over my handle bars and did a 180 flip
-beastypie07

The video's got only 17 views as I type this, hasn't been rated out of five stars at all yet and has no clicks from any website. But if you're after more from beastypie07, the sensibly-named YouTube user, check out his other video "Garner v Danny" - yes, it's another appalling bad fight, set to awful music.

And now onto more positive news. The website Urban Dictionary is a bit like Wikipedia, but a dictionary. Users define new phrases and words that have come into use. What's "The Henry Winkler", a "vague chesire on AIM" or "glowmophobia"? I suggest you avoid them, and instead look at "cumhead". Not sure what it means? Well one definition is this:

The word cumhead orginates from Temple Moor High School.

The word means someone who puts so much gel on their hair, you can actually see little lumps of it. Making it appear to be cum in a sort of way

"Hey cumhead, what's that's in your hair?"
"Gel"
"It looks like cum to me cumhead"

Makes you proud to attend the school, doesn't it?

You call that a fight?

"shak v danni" - a Temple Moor fight on YouTube

The above video - uploaded by liss1994 - depicts "shak nd danni avin a fight". With an audience dressed in PE uniform and a mobile phone with video capability ready to capture the action, the stage is set...for this fight. Punches are thrown, legs are kicked out and a lot of other stuff happens. But why? What's the point? While fighting might solve some of the world's problems - it got rid of Hitler, didn't it? - this one seems to be pointless. And even if there is a point, the audience is left wondering what this point is.

But the real question is: where's the teacher? Generally with Temple Moor fights, a small crowd gathers, which causes dozens of people from all year groups to flock to one area. Everyone's screaming "fight" and the crowd is massive, then a teacher comes along. Usually, no-one's hit anyone else - it's just a crowd-drawing ploy and nothing happens.

But when there's a real fight - assuming the YouTube footage isn't faked (what sort of fight begins "go on, then, go on" from a spectator?) - the teachers seem to be oblivious.

Oh, and to anyone thinking of fighting and putting it on Temple Moor, this is how you do it: