Strike?

April 24 is a date of your diary (if you have a diary - surely you must have some sort of planner, regardless of how awful they might be...). NUT - a teaching union (but not the only one) - are getting its members to strike.

It's the first strike for twenty years, and is happening because the teachers are fed up with their pay. Apparently the government are stopping teachers' pay being affected by inflation. Unsurprisingly, they're not happy. You see, people want money if they're going to be subjected to chlorine gas.

But never mind what the teachers want. What does it mean for Temple Moor? Well, we've had a tip-off that about thirty staff are NUT members. This isn't a majority, but it's a fairly substantial amount. However, it's unlikely that Temple Moor will be shut (BSF disaster pending). So you can expect supply teachers to descend en masse.
Update: Apparently they can't hire lots of supply teachers. A day off is looking very likely indeed, which can only be good news.

Teacher Tribute

Frequent reader and commenter Melaisis would like to present readers with his guest written tribute to a recently-departed (as in, gone to another school, not dead or anything) teacher.

This entire post probably messes with Templar Truths’ policy of ‘no names!’, but it is hardly negative; I had the distinct pleasure to – along with 30 of my history-loving peers – be in Richard Crane’s last class at Temple Moor. I could go into the emotional specifics of how this marks the end of an era and now the school is set for a downward spiral of heartache and an even further decline in discipline. However, that would most likely ruin the point of what I’m attempting to say, especially if I got caught up in a pseudo-political rant into how the school ‘community’ is destined for demise within the next year or so. Instead, this post should be kept as a tribute to one of the finest teachers and leaders to pass through the doors to Temple Moor. It is worth noting that, as a parting gift, many members of the class contributed to a card which looked – to say the least – to be the epitome of campness; certainly a ‘queer’ souvenir of his time here, but certainly unforgettable. Here’s the ‘rap’, entitled ‘Ode to Richard’, I performed in the final five minutes of his lesson:

Dear Sir,
We know you like to think you’re Ben-Hur,
And your views on some things caused a stir,
But we’re sure you possess a sexy grr,
Anyway, to chat about madd thymes,
And to bust a few bare rhymes:
See, I respect you a lot,
Even we might not think you’re pretty hot;
We appreciate the talent you got,

You’re set for fame; we’re sure of that,
Though your jokes were lame; your arguments were phat,
You claim to be able to rock.
Its Sam’s manliness that you mock,
Your fascination with Buckingham* was rude,
Just like Giles and his bad-boy attitude,
Now you have a condom for when you’re in the mood**.

Sometimes we feel you tried too hard,
Now you can remember us through this cheap card,
Still, we thank your balding head,
Which is probably, right now, turning red?
Time to make a verse about the weather, instead!
With you gone it’ll be like rain,
Temple Moor will never be the same,
Sherriff, White, Daily and now Crane,
You should hang you head in shame,
But it’s the Year 9s who can take the blame;
Now you approach the final round of this game.

It’s a shame you had us last today,
But I guess you can get what I’m trying to say,
Although your list of admirers is a big queue,
We sure learned a lot from you,
But I hope you’re educated now,
Especially in the ways of Steven Seagal!

Peace!
~MC Conny T/Melaisis 2k8, with thanks to Walker.

*A leading member of James I’s Parliament during the 17^th Century.
**Yes, we sellotaped a condom to the inside of his card.

Indeed. Not quite as bizarre as this, mind.

Random collection of unrelated topics

It lacks the imaginative title of many of my previous articles, but in this instance, I feel the title is apt. This is nothing more than a random collection of unrelated topics. Starting with a rather ironic quote from a certain English Teacher (whom teaches both GCSE and A-level classes, as we are aware) - apparently, it should be "more wider". Rather poor grasp of the language from a teacher of the subject, is it not? And worse still, she didn't even attempt to correct herself. Did she not register her own mistake? That's even worse for a teacher. But all in all, it created a semi-humorous talking point for the next few minutes, so all is forgiven. We're not so mean after all, are we?

Moving on to a Year 11 History lesson, Templar Truths is aware that a torrent of racist abuse was hurled back and forth today - though neither of the "Jews" as they referred to each other were Jewish. As far as we know. It certainly wasn't meant in a joking manner, so besides the fact the two involved need to work on their insults, the other major matter at hand was precisely why the teacher of this lesson took such a long time to intervene. Is the school publically condoning racism now? Perhaps, perhaps not. It's not our place to say. But maybe we'll consider this for next week's poll?

And in a final topic, a certain Mathematics teacher has recently launched into multiple monologues on how the blog - yes, gasp, teachers have found out about us - is always so negative. So as a personal favour, we've seen fit to be a little more constructive in our next article about them. But since we have little to blog about on this occasion, let's just discuss the new stamp in the Maths department. It's... nice. Certainly the new Pi-shaped stamp is a lot more appropriate than the previous, dull as dishwater 'X' that would emblazon every planner it touched. However, we can't let the teacher in question got away scott-free. It has to be said that the new stamp has a much greater surface area (something they should know a lot about given their profession), and so it wastes more ink. But then again, the previous stamp wasted huge areas of blank space, meaning the excess ink was thrown away. I guess it's a no win situation. Prizes for anyone who can calculate which is more wasteful. Joking aside, yes, it is (as close as we'll find to) an improvement. So there you have it - we're not so cruel after all, are we?

And that's pretty much it. English errors, racism and maths stamps. Interesting, aren't they?


[Thanks to Atomfox for correcting a spelling mistake.]

Deputy "Principal" Interviews

Note that I still use quotation marks when using the term "Principal". In fact, forget it, I'll just continue to use the term headteacher. Curse the day I become an American.

So, on the Friday just gone, pupils were unceremoniously pulled out of lessons to attend mock lessons with potential deputy headteachers. What really bemused me was that Year 11s, with just months left ahead of their final exams, were pulled from crucial lessons to attend these sessions - many of us shall soon be taking exams that determine our futures. But why learn the material, when we could sit listening to a candidate who, quite frankly, brought many pupils to the point of cringing. As if being oblivious to the concept of a joke wasn't bad enough, they proceeded to try and force a continued smile when, deep down, they were surely feeling as miserable as we were.

That's one candidate you can knock off the list, Temple Moor. In fact, why don't you knock them all off, and just put one of us as deputy? The Templar Truths team are ideal candidates, any one of us. The majority of us have near-impeccable grammar and spelling, know exactly what pupils want (we ARE pupils) and probably have a better idea of how to run the school. Oh, and I dare say we're just as educated as some of the teachers already present at the school.

If all the candidates are this bad, just give up now. And please don't be so stupid as to pull Year 11s out of lessons that could well prove the difference-maker in our approaching exams. It's just ignorance.

Assistant Principal

This might sound abit big headed, but when it comes to digging up dirt about the school, we're good, very good.

I thought it would be a good idea to see if anyone else is blogging about the school. Of course we're still out on top. However this website came into our view from a website called "Eteach".
The website in question is a job finder for education related jobs. One specific job stood out above the rest.

Assistant Principal

Employer: Temple Moor High School

Of course we had to find out more. Apparently the school wants a new Assistant Principal for April or September 2008. The school brags that it produces results of 57% 5+ A*-C at GCSE which is actually pretty good but from of course we're not here to congratulate the school for anything good, are we?

Now lets see what they demand in an Assistant Principal.

We are looking for someone who:

• is hardworking, innovative, flexible and a talented leader;

Yeh? Maybe they'll be good enough to finally stop that meddling blog.

• has vision and determination and seeks to make impact at a whole school level;

Make an impact. Haven't we already done that?

• will be responsible for leading intervention or curriculum;

I can't think of a quirk. That's how fail that request is.

• is able to think strategically and creatively with an excellent understanding of current developments in education.

Who understands the developments of the school more than we do?

Of course, the employee needs information back in return, lets see what the school have to offer.

We offer:

• the benefits of Science specialist status and substantial capital investment throughout the school, being in phase one of the Government’s ‘Building Schools For The Future’ programme;

Phase one is to test the work efficiency of Polish people.

• excellent professional development;

Yes, at Temple Moor, you'll know how to break up a non existent fight in your first week.

• excellent relationships at all levels;

Because we're all the best of friends at Temple Moor.

• an opportunity to join a successful and forward looking team.

Being forward looking is how we successfully write this blog behind your back.

Well we Templars look congratulate the meat the school picks for this role. Maybe he/she will be a bigger fan of the blog than the staff we currently have.

If you'd like to apply for the job, you can find the Job details here.

On a side note; seeing as the next post is going to be our 100th, we'd like to do something special. So I'm going to briefly mention the magnitude of non existent fights popping up several times a day this week. So far we've has one broken skull. We find it all hilarious.

Teaching staff - actually getting worse?

That's a question for you to ponder, and reach your own conclusion. But heres a few points to consider;

1) One particular member of the Languages staff has, for a short while now, been on maternity leave. Congratulations. But that's not what I'm talking about. What I want to talk about is the replacement. Not naming names, this teacher (whom, presumably, is now filling in for all of the departed teacher's classes) is, in this templar's opinion (and that of quite a few others), a terrible attempt at a replacement. I pray it is not full-time. As well as having a rather poor grasp of the English language - which is not a good thing when teaching in England - but her accent, at times, reduces her clarity to the equivalent of an escaped mental patient. Throw in her lack of decent class control and lack of any emotion other than anger, and you don't have an ideal teacher. Rumours, possibly true, but as of yet unconfirmed, are running that she has been seen screaming at Year 7's in corridors and breaking down during class. I make NO claim to the validity of these statements. But if they ARE true, then this teacher may possibly be one of the worse we've seen at Temple Moor.

Revision: I have been informed that the first rumour, of her screaming in the face of a Year 7, is true; as seen by a packed German class, as well as their German teacher. Things are really piling up against this particular "replacement".

2) Speaking of poor replacements, another certain teacher (whose name I, rather fortunately, do not know, nor wish to know) has been doing the rounds to several lessons at the back end of last week. As well as filling in for a Maths session last week, in which he repeatedly had to ask the students if he was correct, tried to indicate a curved line graph using three rigid board pens (looking nothing like a curve, from any perspective), corrected himself at least 10 times, AFTER the students had copied down his board notes, and paid no attention to what the students were doing. As a previous guest writer wrote about him, he was oblivious to both the fire alarm, and that a cohort of pupils were actually conducting a music quiz. He knew nothing, or very little, about Maths; so why exactly was he filling in during a higher set Maths lesson? And, again, he appeared during an ICT lesson that same week, despite having little to no knowledge of ICT either. Again, why? Please, find teachers who understand the subject - we're reaching the end of our GCSE courses.

3) A related note is that the ICT teacher was absent for two lessons last week due to apparently being in some manner of technology conference elsewhere in the country. That's all fine and dandy of course - but leaves two very, very important questions unanswered. Firstly, was this convention really that necessary? More necessary than crucial coursework lessons of a GCSE class? A teacher should be teaching, not discussing computing with a 70-year old computer nerd at the other side of England. And secondly, obviously the school were aware that she would be attending this conference way before hand - that's plenty of time to find a replacement teacher, is it not? How long do they want?

4) Final note now. A certain English teacher, whilst discussing the religious themes in Lord of the Flies (which, presumably, she does every year with her class), she seemed utterly oblivious to just about every religious reference thrown forward. Unless it was about Jesus, everything flew past her head, and she constantly needed people to explain who the figures referenced were. For example, Prometheus. Fair enough, he's not commonly known, but how can you truly discuss religious themes without knowing anything other than Christianity? It's not the only religion out there, and other religions; such as those of the ancient Greeks or Egyptions, actually have great comparisons to be drawn with Lord of the Flies. Please, teacher in question, research some of these points - you can't expect every pupil to be oblivious to the fact that there are religions outside of Christianity. And, interestingly, she didn't know a GREAT deal about that either.

So, readers, are teachers getting worse? Send your views to the email address on the right hand information bar.

Not for Smiley faces.

Well as a lot of people will know, we now have a new head of PD (nothing positive about it) at Temple Moor. Despite the post a week or so back, I wont name names. However I personally think that giving this specific teacher the role of "head of PD" is like bringing Hitler back to life and arming him for World War three. In the passed this teacher has annoyed pupils with her annoying ability of making a half an hour video last three weeks. Now we could find a time relapse and the cane will be brought back.

Anyway, onto the main point of this post. The school is finally going to do something about their PD shop. Templar truths has heard from a very reliable source that tomorrow, the new head of PD is meeting with some students to start the PD shop. If the students are as mentally inclined as the Templars we hope they are, they will hopefully get us merchandise in the store that does not just consist of vouchers to stores we never go to or stationary.

However one problem I see is, a lot of people (including myself) have reduced (or improved) the PD shop stamps page in an area to draw smiley faces in. But who couldn't resist drawing smiley faces when you have a useless page filled with big inviting circles?

Hopefully we can get information about tomorrows meeting ASAP and expose the sinister truth.

You call that a fight?

"shak v danni" - a Temple Moor fight on YouTube

The above video - uploaded by liss1994 - depicts "shak nd danni avin a fight". With an audience dressed in PE uniform and a mobile phone with video capability ready to capture the action, the stage is set...for this fight. Punches are thrown, legs are kicked out and a lot of other stuff happens. But why? What's the point? While fighting might solve some of the world's problems - it got rid of Hitler, didn't it? - this one seems to be pointless. And even if there is a point, the audience is left wondering what this point is.

But the real question is: where's the teacher? Generally with Temple Moor fights, a small crowd gathers, which causes dozens of people from all year groups to flock to one area. Everyone's screaming "fight" and the crowd is massive, then a teacher comes along. Usually, no-one's hit anyone else - it's just a crowd-drawing ploy and nothing happens.

But when there's a real fight - assuming the YouTube footage isn't faked (what sort of fight begins "go on, then, go on" from a spectator?) - the teachers seem to be oblivious.

Oh, and to anyone thinking of fighting and putting it on Temple Moor, this is how you do it:

"PD is unfair" says teacher

Kids have often remarked that the Positive Discipline system of stamps and credits is fatally flawed: less intelligent people get more stamps than higher sets. So far, these cries have been ignored, but it seems like one teacher is agreeing - and it's not hard to see why.

It's a well-known fact that if you're in set B4 for Maths, saying "x is 14" even when it isn't will earn you a stamp or three, for trying. Say it in A1 and you're more likely to be told you're wrong, leaving you wondering what x really is. And you can't ask for stamps, because that's just wrong.

We at Templar Truths have also noticed that even when teachers do give out stamps, it's wildly inconsistent. Some teachers will give you a stamp for handing in homework; others will do only if you've done it well. This was particularly noted by the teacher who said it is "unfair" and "wrong".

What does this mean, then? Stamps and credits are a stupid idea, basically. They're given out differently by teachers, making them random and not uniform. Unless you're in a top set, where you just won't get any - even though you're the one who will make the school's statistics look good. Fairness? Temple Moor doesn't know the meaning of the word!

For the love of... ART?!

Another failing has reached my attention - mainly since I was stuck in the thick of it, just days ago. Art teachers, hardly surprising but worth mentioning, are idiots. The lot of them. Hell, I bet they don't even know the first thing about the subject.

It's like the old saying - "If you can't do anything else, teach. If you can't do that, teach P.E. And if you can't cope with that either, teach Art."

Due to some tool screwing up the timetabling, Year 11s have been forced to switch to a whole new Art teacher mid-way through a GCSE COURSE! How badly is that going to affect their grades?

From the evidence, VERY badly. Hardly anyone in this particular art glass is anywhere near a pass grade yet. Most are hovering around E/F/G grades. And when I say hardly anyone, that is no exaggeration. It is the majority of the class.

Granted, our new Art teacher couldn't really have done anything about our previous teacher's failings at her job. To be frank, she was useless in every meaning of the word. She broke people's art projects, took time off for illnesses which, as it appeared, didn't affect her a great deal (she came into school many days to "catch up with things", and she looked fine. But she insisted she couldn't teach us and apologized in the most shockingly un-meaningful way I have ever known.) and generally didn't know a great deal about Art in itself, or what our GCSE course entailed. Half the stuff which we allegedly "should've done" last year in Art wasn't even set for us at the time, which has played a major part in dragging everyone down.

But the new teacher isn't much better either. Only now, in October of our final year, just weeks away from our mock exams and a few months from our real exams, does she tell us how far behind we are. Why did she not tell us from what she could see of our previous work with our previous teacher? Because she doesn't have a clue what we did with our previous bloody teacher! So now, with barely time to turn things around, she tells us, and me specifically, that we're doing horribly. Nice timing.

What angered me even more, is that after taking in our sketchbooks, she clearly didn't look at them before compiling these reports on our progress. Half the stuff she claims I haven't done, I have - it's all in my book, not hard to find if you opened the damn thing.

I, personally, am taking a great deal of GCSEs. Far more than the majority of students. Since Year 10, I have worked toward the goal of passing each and every one of them. Being told that you've fallen behind almost irreperably given the time left is one f*cking huge blow.

Art teachers are idiots. They have failed their students. They have failed at their craft. I hate them all.

Tackling "Night Before It's Due" Attitude

Just about everyone leaves homework until the night before it's due in. This means you do as little work as possible until absolute necessary - and sometimes, not even then. However, a certain teacher was shocked by this 'revelation' and has come up with a brilliant scheme.

The class will be given homework on Monday for Tuesday, forcing everyone to do the homework...the night before it's due. And if that won't curb this attitude to homework, what will? It's this sort of thinking that puts Temple Moor at the top of league tables.

"Footbawl"

This article, while going into cyberspace a bit late, is nevertheless, absolutely hilarious.

First let me give you some background information on this teacher:

• He speaks like a farmer
• He pronounces the word "Football" as "Footbawl"
• He doesn't know how to play rugby
  
• He is terminally stupid
  
• He has failed in life
  

The event in question happened on Wednesday last week, during a PE lesson with said PE teacher.

We were all changing in the sports hall changing room (funny place to change I know) and in comes this PE teacher. He then precedes to try to take the class register (a tedious if necessary event), but the results of this just happened to be too funny for words.

He spends about 10 minutes attempting to quiet us down (all the while being ridiculed by certain Templars for his infamous catchphrase of "Footbawl"), then he manages to get a moment of silence, so he precedes to start the register. No sooner has he started this than everyone starts laughing at him again.

In an attempt to regain control of us all (there was about 30-40 people in there) he tries reasoning. He says "Now I'm not going to try and start anything with you because most of you are twice my size." To which some legend cries out "DOWNSTAIRS!!". Manic laughter ensues.

After another 10 minutes of this (by this time we only had 25 minutes of the lesson left) he gets desperate. He starts to plead with us by saying "I get my recreation out of school, so I'm not bothered. We can sit here all day. I get my recreation out of school." to which another couple of legends start miming certain "actions" every time he said "I get my recreation outside school" (need i say more). Once again, hilarity ensued.

We finally managed to get out on to the "Footbawl" pitch with 15 minutes of the lesson left.

Mission Accomplished

PE teachers

Today the PE classes had their first experience of playing rugby in their PE session. However the hype they had seemed to prove too much with a certain member of staff. Halfway through the students match the teacher admitted of not knowing about the rules, this was fairly obvious as he was almost tackled on numerous occasions, and had to resort to asking one of the students about the scoring system. This proved to be very stressful to the students as the match was stopped several times just to see which side had the possession of the ball.

First Fire Drill

So it's still near the start of the year and that means we need a fire drill for those year sevens. But this clearly means everyone has to get involved, and so we did.

About halfway through period two, we heard the unmistakable (and thoroughly annoying) fire alarm noise. My teacher - a substitute who's getting to grips with the school system, so that was funny - had his immediate, responsive command: "hang on". Hang on‽ What is he talking about? Shall we just wait here and see if the floor starts burning, then leave?

Eventually, we were all assembled outside the school to be registered. Which was fun, what with it being cold and ultimately tedious. Fleetwood made some speech which, as is usual in these situations, no one could hear. Soon enough, we were heading back in - but not before "a certain teacher" fell over, completely humiliating himself. Again.

On the walk back to class (all remaining five minutes), one teacher - a female geography teacher, if you must know - went around the fence next to the path. I asked, out loud, "why is she allowed to do it?". Another teacher, in front of me, turned around and said "exactly". Is there some tension between the teachers? Another Templar exclusive!

Cure #2: Epic Fail Guy

This second curse at the school surrounds on of the teachers. Due to our Templar Rules, we cannot of course give the identity of this teacher, so for the sake of a persona, we shall just call him "Epic Fail Guy".

Epic Fail Guy himself is not a curse, jinx or other omen, but is in fact surrounded with, what we Templars like to call, the "Epic Fail" curse. Perhaps nearly every lesson this teacher, well teaches (duh!), contains several blunders or "Epic fails". Which is of course where the unoriginal identity comes from.

Trying to explain the cause of this curse is futile, but here's some of the stuff that happens to Epic Fail Guy.

1. Lesson requires Internet access and for whatever reason, the Internet wont work.
2. In his lessons, he is required to do more than paper and pen work, however due to his curse, these always nearly end in failure.

One Templar has even gone about noting down as many fails as he can in the school year. And all these fails that will occur in this time is why Epic Fail Guy is the second curse in the series.

Oh yes, and we think Epic Movie also Epic Fails.

Upper school awards evening

Now let me start by saying, we don't find faults in everything at school and exploit it, and some aspects of school can be ok.

Yesterday the Upper school awards evening took place, although pointless and overly long, the evening shows successes of pupils from all years (this being years 10-13 due to it being "Upper School").
Like all "national television award" type evenings hosted by The establishment, the evening had its pointless and good rewards, from the shitty Form award to the special head of year awards.
As well as other evenings, there was also the pointless musical interludes, however these interludes (although still pointless) were actually very good for a change. As well as that, they also sang and played familiar songs such as songs by the Scissor Sisters, opposed to the usual religious babble.

For those that went, might have had some enjoyment (at least the music kept my sanity) from Mr William's Return. However I do not feel it was worth going to over the England Match (we won 3-0 for those that don't know).

First assembly of the year

With a new school year, teachers try to treat us students to a mildly entertaining assembly apposed to the usual drabble. However it is just as entertaining as trainspotting (forget Ewan Mcgregor and think Pete Waterman). But the first assembly always has some hidden moral behind it that will guide students through this year of the schools never ending cycle of mental torture. For year 11, the hidden message was Jane Tomlinson died, so work hard. Well that is how it looked to me.

Also the new school production, Little shop of horrors, is under way and casting is taking place as we speak. Unlike most things on this blog, we are backing this play as the production team is mainly students and not the fascist administration we are against. Unless the production ends up being crap, then expect the longest account on this blog to date.

Seating plans

New School year, same old lessons, even same old classrooms and teachers, but for some reason we always end up with seating plans. Despite previous attempts to seat people in the sitting equivalent of Wengjiagang, teachers still try to irate us with what they will no doubt call; "Seating plan v2.0". To heighten agitation even more, most people are sat in the same seats as the previous plan anyway and the previous 10 minutes were for nothing.