Saturday, 22 March 2008

Teacher Tribute

Frequent reader and commenter Melaisis would like to present readers with his guest written tribute to a recently-departed (as in, gone to another school, not dead or anything) teacher.

This entire post probably messes with Templar Truths’ policy of ‘no names!’, but it is hardly negative; I had the distinct pleasure to – along with 30 of my history-loving peers – be in Richard Crane’s last class at Temple Moor. I could go into the emotional specifics of how this marks the end of an era and now the school is set for a downward spiral of heartache and an even further decline in discipline. However, that would most likely ruin the point of what I’m attempting to say, especially if I got caught up in a pseudo-political rant into how the school ‘community’ is destined for demise within the next year or so. Instead, this post should be kept as a tribute to one of the finest teachers and leaders to pass through the doors to Temple Moor. It is worth noting that, as a parting gift, many members of the class contributed to a card which looked – to say the least – to be the epitome of campness; certainly a ‘queer’ souvenir of his time here, but certainly unforgettable. Here’s the ‘rap’, entitled ‘Ode to Richard’, I performed in the final five minutes of his lesson:

Dear Sir,
We know you like to think you’re Ben-Hur,
And your views on some things caused a stir,
But we’re sure you possess a sexy grr,
Anyway, to chat about madd thymes,
And to bust a few bare rhymes:
See, I respect you a lot,
Even we might not think you’re pretty hot;
We appreciate the talent you got,

You’re set for fame; we’re sure of that,
Though your jokes were lame; your arguments were phat,
You claim to be able to rock.
Its Sam’s manliness that you mock,
Your fascination with Buckingham* was rude,
Just like Giles and his bad-boy attitude,
Now you have a condom for when you’re in the mood**.

Sometimes we feel you tried too hard,
Now you can remember us through this cheap card,
Still, we thank your balding head,
Which is probably, right now, turning red?
Time to make a verse about the weather, instead!
With you gone it’ll be like rain,

Temple Moor will never be the same,
Sherriff, White, Daily and now Crane,
You should hang you head in shame,
But it’s the Year 9s who can take the blame;
Now you approach the final round of this game.

It’s a shame you had us last today,
But I guess you can get what I’m trying to say,
Although your list of admirers is a big queue,
We sure learned a lot from you,
But I hope you’re educated now,
Especially in the ways of Steven Seagal!

~MC Conny T/Melaisis 2k8, with thanks to Walker.

*A leading member of James I’s Parliament during the 17th Century.
**Yes, we sellotaped a condom to the inside of his card.

Indeed. Not quite as bizarre as this, mind.


Dee4leeds said...


I was there during the condom buying. The shop owner thought Turner and Clarke were buying as a couple... I wouldn't of been suprised, it was feather size after all.

Philips said...

Mr crane was probably one of the most understanding teachers of our itme in the school.